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Leah Hirsig Diary Entry Saturday, 27 December 1924
Dec 27
2:20 A.M. Msbtd [masturbated]—Union with Chaos—my whole idea seems to deplete my body absolutely so that I may lose my thoughts—But I am all wrong. I am starved, but I shall start to love tomorrow. There will be no more masturbation—Perhaps there will be insanity or death, but there'll be something, if I have to create it myself.
2:40-2:48 Preliminary Invocation. Peaceful but not sleepy. Breathing difficult.
3:55-3:58 (3 minutes) Prana[yama] 10-10 2 min 10-15-5 1 min
These three days are mine, Saturday, Sunday, Monday. I have 50 francs—I have food in the house—I have charcoal and wood—I have plenty of work to do—It rains.
What happens at the end of this 3 day period doesn't matter. Nothing matters—now or ever. I drink the red wine with 4 dr. of AL [Anhalonium Lewinii] in it, and read the Stele poetry from Cap. III.
To Dōme at 9—after smoking 4 cigarettes and destroying—I am a . . . Another at Dōme. Kennedy backing out of painting me. A grog and sandwich and oh how Willy loves me Souisse!! Abortions! Death! Came home chilled—2 grogs and I'm as warm as toast.
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