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Marcelo Motta Diary Entry Thursday, 3 July 1969
Liber CCXXXI: A PERSONAL RESEARCH
Astral travel—approximately 10m, I think—maybe 15. Painted yellow (Queen Scale) Invoking Sign for Sagittarius on door (After B... O... and Invocation of B-A-H[1]) of dark wood facing Boleskine, and went through (with some difficulty)[2]. White arrow shaft pointing up towards a Pink Star.[3] Started up the shaft, with some difficulty. Once, during trip, heard the number 91. Suddenly it occurred to me that I would never arrive—that the trip was endless. Then the words came to me from LXV—"Is not there weariness and impatience for who would attain to some goal?" (But before this, "Is there not joy ineffable in this aimless winging?" Notice that the right words occurred in the "Astral" memory, but not now in the physical memory while copying—I had to go and look them up! The physical is rusty—by lack of practice, no doubt!)[4] Then, I asked about such details as getting help in the subject of the Arrow in daily matters—girls, etc. The thought came to me that I could prepare pantacles for them. (It also comes to me now that I must remake this Vision, invoking this time with the letter Samekh, rather than the Sign of the Arrow.)
It also occurred to me that I could stay in the trip as long as I could (or would—which is about the same here . . .), and that it would benefit me by the Aspiration.
During my fumbling preparations I could hear someone laughing.[5] It is indeed very funny, this 39-year-old man who has been a Thelemite for sixteen years and does not know by heart the Invoking Pentagrams, Banishing Pentagrams, and so forth!
I can go back any time, I see—and refresh myself. Also, I felt tempted to "see" things at moments, but realized how easy it would be to "see" them5—and how unnecessary5—(the word is not "useless", as I was going to write).
Now I understand my past (Saturn) vision better.[6] To stay in the vision is to commune with the Soul of the Vision.
Note: Trouble with strong light over my head. Too much light, although I wore the robe and hood.[7]
1—That is, after the Words of Banishing from Liber AL and after invoking his Holy Guardian Angel. The Name is not given in full, for obvious reasons. 2—This is one standard skrying procedure: you imagine a door, paint a symbol on it, and imagine that you are going through it. Mental images differ from astral images, but only practice brings understanding and discrimination of the differences involved. They are unmistakable to anyone who practices regularly. The difficulty was due to the experimenter's lack of practice: he had trouble differentiating his physical body's imagination from his astral body's reality, or—if you prefer—actuality. 3—This image was quite spontaneous, and harmonious, of course, with the entire concept of Samekh. When we say spontaneous we do not discard the possibility of unconscious creation. But this is besides the point entirely. It is precisely the Unconscious—or a portion of it—that we intend to bring under our conscious control when we practice "Astral Travel". Analytical intellectual speculations are idle here—see LXV, v, 59. Only Work—and the living experience that it brings—counts. 4—The meaning seems to be that the Sheaths of the Self are not static, but are continuously changing and expanding as the Self and the Not-Self interact. If the Mind—to speak only of one of our Instruments—is truly a reflection of environment, then it must grow and change as its awareness expands, by virtue of the very growth of its limits. It is this endlessness of progress that makes life good for the Initiate, and an abyss of horror for the "Black Brother" who would rather not change a situation that he or she considers optimum. But any idea of "optimum" is an illusion. Perfection is a mathematical limit: we constantly approach it, but we can never reach it. The Body of our Lady is infinite. 5—The Seer was being observed by several Adepts, and one of them laughed and remarked to the others on the clumsiness of the experimenter. The Seer said: "But I'm trying," and the Adept in question became immediately silent, and ashamed. He was, the Seer sensed, somewhat surprised that the Seer had been able to overhear his remarks. The companion to whom he had addressed his jibe directed a wave of quiet remonstration at him. The entire experience was on another plane altogether. 6—The Seer had made one previous formal experiment in Astral Travelling, invoking the Sphere of Saturn, many years before. 7—This was in great part due to the Seer's lack of training in Raja Yoga, specially Dharana.
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