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Marcelo Motta Diary Entry Sunday, 17 May 1970
Liber CCXXXI: A PERSONAL RESEARCH
About 9.55 am: Prepare to invoke Geni of Carcer of מ.
Invoked. The downward-pointing arrow of the Geni comes to consciousness. Follow it. Below it, a heaving sea-green morass, as if alive, pulsating. Try to drop into it—do not succeed.[1] But sensation as of some form, or substance, stealing over mine. I think it is the Geni. Try to invoke. See nothing. Meditating, the Geni seems to tell me that everything is O.K.—that even yesterday's lack of control[2] is, shall we say, part of the work. I must train harder. That is all. Invoked by Shape of Neptune, and with the trident, but this seems to be all. Will anoint the Seal now, about 10.07 pm, then analyze the Geni's Name and Numbers. Note: He is related to N, V, H, and S, according to his Seal. His arrow points downwards, however; would that then not be The Loves? Probably.
(There follows some Qabalistic manipulations. Omitted.)
1—The failure was probably due to fear on the part of the Personality, or "M. Motta". When this kind of reluctance becomes too frequent, either heroic measures must be taken, or mediocrity must be accepted. A.C. [Aleister Crowley] used to take the bull by the horns at such times. The opinion of the mob, the bourgeois and the believing Marxist on this kind of behavior may be found echoed in John Symonds' idiotic attempts at biography of a man totally above his comprehension and minimal character. 2—This sibylline reference had to be looked up in the pertinent diary. 16 May 1970 e.v., Saturday: "I went to beach in morning. Met girl whom had met one year or so before, gave her my address. Geralda (another girl) did not go. At night, the girl came visiting with her little nephew (—?). Sex-play while the child amused himself. I was too excited and, like a pig, let out blood in gushes." A sacrificial pig, indeed! The entry continues: "Managed, however, to give the girl an orgasm. Did S.R. before sleep and worked a little."
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