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Marcelo Motta Diary Entry Thursday, 19 October 1972
Liber CCXXXI: A PERSONAL RESEARCH
About 0.17 am: prepare to invoke Geni of Carcer of ה.eStart at 0.27 am.
HAIR = 5 + 1 + 10 + 200 = 216. My "hair, the trees of eternity."[1]
Every sexual experience of mine with a woman increases the essence[2] in mankind. I state with a woman because only a woman occurred to me.[3] I must try more to "get" women—better say "to get to women".[4] The opposition is due to ego at work in other men. Nothing else. The "many".[5]
In this, the semen is to be let go as it wills—provided an ecstasy be reached. "ever To me! To me" . . .[6]
Ended at 1.12 am. Had to stop several times to clear pipe before a full smoke. The insight about the numbers and technique came after this.
I must do as above, and not worry about eternal youth, riches, etc. If these be within my path, all will happen naturally.[7] If not, should they happen, I would be a Black Brother not a Magister Templi. AUMGN.
My "follower" may never meet me personally, or may come after my death.
1—Some two weeks before, during a conversation with several people who professed interest in Thelema, the then sexual partner of the Seer had suddenly turned to him and said "Hair. Don't forget it." Being questioned, she could not explain her words, except to say that she had felt impelled to tell him this. The Seer had dismissed the incident from memory until this particular occasion, when he felt impelled (...) to analyze the word numerically. The numeration of course, is the same at that of EVER, his Motto as M.T. [Magister Templi]. Both words appear in Liber AL. We cannot go further into this at present. What follows in this Vision has no direct relation to this insight, except in what pertains to the Seer's Office in the Order. It is true of any Adept. 2—"Essence" means the Quintessence, or Spirituality. Akasha infused by Adhi and Anupadaka; in a sense, the "Holy Ghost" of the ancient Gnostics, the "Communion of the Saints" of the first and true Christians. It is still a very difficult term to define, due to the scarce number of investigators who have ever been able to infer the existence of this "substance". 3—This is an idiosyncratic limitation; in no way a general rule. 4—Cf. LXV v 46. There is no "male chauvinism" involve. 5—This note will really be intelligible only to "Dwellers on the Threshold"! The serious student is referred to The Wake World. 6—The insight expressed in this paragraph should not be taken as a rule by anybody below the XI° O.T.O. Aspirants to the A∴A∴ are advised to ignore it unless they feel themselves directly inspired by their Holy Guardian Angel. A mere Instructor's advice is useless in these matters, and may even be dangerous, for no Instructor in his or her right mind would presume to advise or opine is such circumstances, wherein silence is golden. 7—This is a paradox of Initiation. The Elixir of Life exists; but those who "take" it, do not take it because "they" want to, but because Mankind, as a whole, needs them to. A.C. [Aleister Crowley], for instance, remained alive for years after He considered His Work done, and longed constantly for Death to assuage the boredom of life among dull, ignorant and prejudiced people—like John Symonds.
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