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Marcelo Motta Diary Entry Saturday, 5 October 1974[1]
Liber CCXXXI: A PERSONAL RESEARCH
10.35 L.T. [Local Time].
Start preparations to invoke Geni of Dome of
Started.
I have two choices: die in ΘΗΡΙΟΝ, or start my own movement to perpetuate myself. Then, the thought came to me that I feared this dying. Also, the thoughts that he who starts a movement perpetuates himself. Then, thoughts of "He who giveth his life shall gain life everlasting."[2] Also, thought that all this began with Osiris—or before. Much before. And thought of the Perfect and the Perfect—and thought came—from Him, I'm sure—that this is the lie that he told (perhaps) to get me (us)! . . .
Another thought sensed. This is all about ΘΗΡΙΟΝ, not about BABALON. And yet! . . .[3]
Thought: I am unworthy. A movement started by me would not be as good as His. So, sacrifice for His.
But He does not want sacrifice! Yet—how do I bare my throat to the stroke?[4]
And the words of the ancient book came to me: IMAL! OLALAM! TUTULU![5]
But—the book is wrong.[6] And Aiwass is (?) that mighty Vampire.
But he does not want us to die for him.[7]
Babalon is like Nuit. Her reflection. So, no woman is she. But the Scarlet Woman? She may be the woman who, in a particular moment of time, best expresses her.[8] (But also this may be wrong. Any woman expresses her. But of course!—When She speaks—and She calls you.)
Also, the Vault is also a Tomb—of course. And the Aiwass consciousness is in the semen. In is this stream—this river, the river of Amrit—that perpetuates us through the Ages. This is the death meant! And I cannot gain eternal life unless I loosen myself in this "lustral water".
(I asked about natural death, but this is not here. Perhaps I'll get it in the Carcer.)
I will stay a while longer. There may be something else.
Ah! Key in Stellae Rubeae.
Liber VII definitely wrong. This is the trap into which (deleted) "fell". Liber AL has the correct attitude.
(I thought: But when the pupil sacrifices himself for the Master, will not the Master gladden himself, and dedicate himself to the pupil. But this is me.[9] Another might not care. And indeed, sometimes, have I not un-cared? . . .)
(Deleted) knows this; but his human consciousness did not. Initiation, then, is as perfect as we introduce Higher Consciousness into human brain. And the point of view that God comes into matter in order to redeem it is false and wrong. False, because He-She-It "redeems" it in order to enhance His-Her-Its consciousness in it. And yet, is this—this is not "Salvation". That point of view wrong.
The enriching of experience is basically a selfish impulse.
Sometimes, I will be called spontaneously. But many times, I will be called, but first will have to call the attention of the woman to myself. I must choose her. In every case.
Drunk and dizzy.
120 Number of Adept because = 4 x 5 x 6: the Three Adept Sephiroth. The Second Triad.
When you become aware that the idea of sacrifice is false, you reached this level of . . . awareness. (Initiatic insight.)
Symbols vanish when you become aware of the fact that they are symbolic. That is why the Magister Templi lives in eternal night. Also, that is why he is in a subterranean habitat. The Tomb is at least in part this symbol. But suddenly it seems to me (I thought that was all) that there is a further secret.
Hell, of course. But—is there more? Is there some cave under the earth where there persists—and now it comes to me, this is the reflex on a lower plane of the awareness above. The Adept in the Cave or Tomb. The lower mind always tries to materialize. Once there may have been. Maybe there still is (probably, there are many[10]). If so—what does it matter?
It is Babalon that keeps the Black Brothers at bay inside our consciousness. But others—who did not take Our Oath—are not so impaired. So—learn to detect them. You have already given your life to Me. This means: I don't have to die "for them" anymore. The Lie
I chose Therion, just as a publisher chooses a book because he considers it the best, or the most convenient to himself (or both at once). I chose the best. I may find a better one someday. (Or create a better one myself—I had written "be".) But until I do—to hell with the ones that I know, already, are not as good.
What is good is always simple and can be succinctly expressed.[11] I chose Do what thou wilt because it implies a higher level of consciousness than "Love one another" or anything of the sort.[12]
Finish at 11.40 pm. And it occurs to me that this is also the Sun at Midnight. The Masters of the Temple are that (was annoyed not to be Unique! Plenty of Motta around, still! . . . Though perhaps no longer Mark.[13] (Any allusion here to hereditary—or atavistic resistance? Perhaps. That "Go get fucked" still comes up with a (illegible) once in a while.)
Is every thought in my consciousness actually a human being somewhere? Perhaps this related to Liber XVI (no "perhaps", buster! Mars rules this sign).
Note written later: The act should be prolonged for the pleasure of both—not of only one. (I was thinking of how certain masters prolong the servitude of the disciple by artificial means—doling out "secrets"—that is, truth—slowly, etc.) The opposite of the scientific ethic: free information. (But this is the A∴A∴! The Method of Science and the Aim of Religion.) It does matter, then. Black Brothers.)
1—This, as the following Invocations, is connected with the investigation of some aspect of an Equinox Word. In the past example, we saw that the Seer merely examined the Geni of the Dome of He. This is because he did not feel it necessary to invoke for analysis of the other letters: he felt he already had sufficient instruction to cover the particular strategies of that particular half-year period. Such judgements, of course, are entirely subjective and personal. Another investigator might have felt differently. 2—Merely associations in the Seer's mind, not an "intimation". There is no guarantee that "Scripture" is "true". It may, indeed, have been written by someone trying to perpetuate himself or herself at your expense. On the level of the Choice of Magickal Will there is no guarantee whatsoever! 3—Meaning that it "should have been" about BABALON, who is the Second Death, and the Guardian of the Abyss, and is referred to Scorpio. But, of course, They are complementary—which is why both the feminists and the chauvinist pigs are "wrong"—and right! 4—Cf. VII v 47. 5—This was an ordeal, connected with AL i 50. We cannot enlarge on the subject, except to say the intimation was a deliberate trap on the part of the Initiator. 6—Deliberately so, and not all of it. We cannot enlarge on this here either. 7—This is absolutely true, and yet, at the same time, false! 8—In relation to someone—man, or woman! . . . 9—Meaning, the Masters, besides being essentially selfish, differ from each other as to some aspects of their essence. It is forbidden to enlarge on this matter, which has been sufficiently spoken of elsewhere, in the Sacred Writings and others. 10—Yes, there are many. A.C. [Aleister Crowley], when he was but an Adept, wrote a Will to the effect that he wanted his body buries in circumstances analogous to those of the Ritual of the Tomb of "Christian Rosenkreutz". Reaching a higher insight, He (already He!) disposed that his body be cremated, and bequeathed his ashes ("his"?) to Karl Johannes Germer, because he was sure that this chosen disciple would know what to do with them. Germer made sure that no one would ever know where the last physical remains of his Master were . . . which upset Grady McMurtry, and other false disciples, extremely. Later on, a certain "Maharishi" Yoganda was buried under similar conditions as those A.C., when a mere Adept, had prescribed for himself—we do not know if by his decision, or that of his followers. These conditions, it should be needless to add, ape the conditions under which the ancient Egyptian nobles and kings were buried. No true initiate wants this to happen to His (or Her) corpse. But the Magus runs the risk of the Curse of the Grade. A.C., at least—thanks to His chosen successor—was able to avoid thus. 11—This assertion may be utopian, and is offered to other investigators who follow the Method of Science as a hypothesis. 12—This is absolutely and literally true, and autobiographical in the strictest historical sense. The Seer had started making a close study of religious theories in his early teens, and had remained dissatisfied by any statement of mankind's spiritual aims until getting in touch with Aleister Crowley's writings. 13—On reaching the central result in the Neophyte initiation, many years before, the Seer had been disturbed by objections on the part of his human personality during the Samadhi. At once, the voice of a woman with whom he had lived, but whom the personality despised for several reasons, spoke to his merely human part from inside and from a higher level than the personality, saying: "Shut up, Mark Motta!" The Seer had never forgotten the incident, and used to repeat the sentence whenever his merely human ego seemed in danger of taking the reins in its teeth. In retrospect, the sense of pained injury on the part of the personality seems very funny.
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