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Victor B. Neuburg Diary Entry Monday, 21 June 1909
5.2 a.m.
I performed ‘Bornless One’ Ritual about 10 p.m.[1] At midnight, Banishing Ritual.
At about 1.30 my Guru entered and gave me certain advice. At about 2.25 I performed ‘Bornless One’ and Banishing Rituals, afterwards rising on the planes.
I travelled upwards swiftly and easily again meeting “Gabriel”![2] He gave me the same “information” as before. He was clad in white, with green spots on his wings; upon his head was a Maltese Cross.
After some time I slept by the fire, awakening at about 4.25. I suffered two emissions seminis (Possible one only; I am not quite sure.) with somatic dreams. This is due probably to one of the following three causes, or, of course, any combination of them.—(a) My sleeping close to the fire; (b) lack of food; (c) lack of exercise. Personally, I back the first cause.[3]
I again performed the ‘Bornless One’ Ritual, about 4.30. I left the Chamber just after 5 a.m.
It is now 5.10. I am tired out, and after performing the Banishing Ritual I shall go to bed.
9.26 a.m.
Up at 9.2. Washed, brushed teeth.
9.18, brekker.[4] Egg, bacon, tea, a little water. I feel pretty fit, but a little tired. I shall retire to the Chamber almost immediately, when I have exchanged my piggers[5] for my robe. I slept well.
9.30. I depart for the Chamber.
Mid-day.
Almost immediately on reaching the Chamber did I perform the Preliminary Invocation. I then meditated upon myself for an hour, sometimes reading θελημα. Just after 11 I performed the Banishing Ritual, the Preliminary Ritual, burned incense, recited ‘Aum mani padme hum’, and rose upon the planes. I went very far indeed. Early I met my Angel. I slew him. I then rose through many planes; eventually I was detained by my Mother, a huge brown woman; my Father, a little green man; a voluptuous woman; and a hermaphrodite. They sought one by one to detain me. I passed them all.
At length I reached a coffin, labelled
Resurgam. Of the Tenth Sphere.
I was forcibly drawn into this, but escaped into a whirlpool of light, wherein I was utterly absorbed.
Rapidly I sank back, reaching my body at about 11.25.
Then did I meditate and read θελημα.
[I want some decent blotting-paper. I shall shortly need a new note-book].[6]
It is now 12.8. I shall return to the Chamber.[7]
I have taken a sip of water.
I have a certain Book of Magic with me. This I shall read in the Chamber.
5.57. I studied the Magic Book in the Chamber until 1.20, when I performed the Preliminary Invocation. Afterwards I read and meditated again, being summoned to lunch at 1.50. Egg-and-Spinach, toast, water. I returned to the Chamber at 2.9, where almost immediately, my Guru joined me, and we talked of magick and other matters. My Guru left in about half-an-hour: I then spent the time mostly in thought and meditation. I may have slept a little, but scarcely at all, if at all.
At 4.40 I performed the Banishing Ritual and the Preliminary Invocation. Then I burned incense, and said mantra, ‘Aum mani padme hum.’
I rose on the planes, reaching rapidly the White Light.[8] I struggled through to the top, where I was crucified by two angels. I threw the angels off with (i.e., by means of) the Pentagram. Then I floated about in space helplessly, attached to the Cross.
This also I got rid of by the Pentagram.
I reached soon after a whirlpool or fountain of red light; struggling through this, I was confronted by a Red Giant, against whom I was powerless, though I attacked him furiously by every means in my power. All my weapons and words were useless against him. He cut me to pieces and chased me back to my body, effectually preventing me from rising by falling upon me every time I strove to rise.[9]
I had rather great difficulty in ‘arranging’ myself in my body upon my return. Falling prone once or twice in the effort. At length, however, I accomplished the feat successfully.
I was back again a minute or two before five. At five I went downstairs and took a very hot bath, for I was somewhat wearied. An hour or two after lunch I had a cigarette; I am now smoking another. Smoking staves off hunger excellently.
I find that my Guru—unto whom be peace!—has taken the magic book I was studying. I want it back, badly. It is now 6.14: I shall return to the Chamber. I fear I shall have great difficulty in keeping awake tonight, though I do not feel tired now. I hope to continue this experiment for a week at least, and, with luck, more.
My Guru entered about five minutes after I had returned to the Chamber.
7. Dinner. Venison, boiled potatoes, toast, bread-and-butter pudding. Water.
It is now 7.27. I shall return to the Chamber.
I slept till about 10.30, when I was awakened by my Guru, who made the waking process more effectual by ‘dowsing’ my head in cold water. (He did this also a day or two ago, by the way.) I then received further instruction in the Signs of Horus and Harpocrates, illustrating the signs (apparently) to the satisfaction of my Chief. At 10.45 I began operations, performing first the Preliminary Invocation. I then prepared charcoal, and performed the Banishing Ritual, burned incense, and chanted mantra, ‘Aum tat sat Aum.’
I rose at once, slaying the Red Giant with the ‘Harpocrates’-formula; then I slew a Black Giant. I then became a green triangle (apex upwards) in a violet crown or circle; then a blazing comet flaming in the hair of a God; then a flaming star. After this I became absorbed in, and identified with, white light. This experience was accompanied by extreme ecstasy.[10]
I now found myself at the Court of Horus, (he was jet-black), who gave me two tablets inscribed INRI and TARO respectively. I now found that I had no hands: they were severed at the wrists. Horus sent me out to gaze at the clear blue heavens, wherein were myriads of stars.
He pointed upwards; I could not mount any higher although I tried (or someone tried for me) to attach the Sword and the ankh to my feet.
I had the greatest difficulty in returning, struggling on the floor for some minutes. At 11.15 I was sufficiently recovered to summon my Guru: I stumbled when going down-stairs to fetch this note-book, breathing heavily.
Upon performing the Sign of Harpocrates and smoking a cigarette I quite recovered: my Guru is still with me, talking. It is now 11.55. I am quite normal.
My Guru instructs me till 12.20, when he goes to fetch me water.[11]
1—This of course refers to the previous night. This remark applies to certain other entries in the Record. I would note here that my copy of the “Bornless One” Ritual lent me by my Holy Guru is in script.—O.V. 2—Why not kill the -------? [word omitted]—P.
3—[No joke is
intended here.—O.V.] —[My Holy Guru here uses an obscene
word, which I shall not reproduce.—O.V.] 4—The Cambridge for ‘breakfast’!—O.V. 5—The Cambridge for ‘pyjamas’, pronounced pidgers.—O.V. 6—This refers of course to the original Record, which was written in two note-books and the beginning of a third. 7—At this period I was writing in my bed-chamber. Later my Record was written almost entirely in the Magick Chamber. 9—Concerning Red Giants. I will teach thee the signs and god-forms necessary.—P. [He did—O.V.] 10—I learned afterwards that these ‘journey-ecstasies’ are to be discouraged.—O.V. 11—This last paragraph is intended to cast no reflection upon the eloquence and erudition of my Holy Guru.—O.V.
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