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Victor B. Neuburg Diary Entry Tuesday, 22 June 1909
1.28 a.m.
I have again risen on the planes, the preliminaries being performed by my most excellent Guru. I rose to a great height, far beyond the Court of Horus.
I began rising at about 12.50. I had many adventures, passing by crowds of beings, most of whom gave me free passage upon my presenting my Chief’s card, as it were, though many of them ignored me altogether, turning their backs upon me. Three incidents stand out prominently.
I reached a fair fountained garden where there was an enormous white-clad light-haired angel, who gave the ‘impression’ Gabriel. He spoke to me, wishing me to leave my Sword and ankh. I refused and he suffered me to depart with them. He spoke to me; all I can remember of his speech is, ‘Thine is the destiny of the Magi.’
Afterwards I passed through ‘strata’, as it were, of the four elements, later reaching a kind of green globe, around which I floated in a little boat with a fair woman; at or about this time I was in a slight ecstasy of green light.
I would remark here in parenthesis that my physical feet became very painful during this rising, probably because I was in my ‘Japanese’ yoga-posture for half-an-hour or more,[1] I think, inclusive of the time during which my Guru was invoking, etc.
Eventually, after many minor adventures,—passing through ‘funnels’, voids, and so on,—I reached a hawk-shaped creature who cut off my hands and feet. I fell back, and had the greatest difficulty in returning. I performed the ‘Harpocrates’-formula, and lay prostrate on the floor for several minutes, being apparently unable to arise.
Eventually I summoned my Guru, who told me to perform the ‘Harpocrates’-formula again. This I did successfully.
I am now quite normal. I returned about 1.10.
My Guru gave me instructions and departed. I think I shall sleep in bed comparatively early tonight. I am very tired: I must, I think, get some air and exercise tomorrow.
I forgot to mention that I passed a white cat on a roof during my last journey.[2] I shall now go to bed. It is 1.45. I doubt if I shall be able to wake at six as requested.
New book tomorrow. Aum!
(I had scarcely need of any formulae during this last journey.)
It is now 10 a.m.
Last night, upon descending to my bed-chamber, I entered my Guru’s room that I might steal biscuits. I found my Guru there, and we talked until three, or possibly after.
I then retired, not getting up until 9.40: I was quite fagged-out. I had also a slight tendency to headache.
This has now entirely departed. Hurrah! The departure is probably due to breakfast, (egg, bacon, toast, tea), whereof I have just partaken.
I now feel quite fair physically, but I shall take things easy for a space.
I have not yet defecated, but hope to do so shortly. I received many instructions yesterday from my Guru, some of which I have forgotten. Eheu! Peccavi! But I think I know most of them. It is well.
My sleep, by the way, was fairly sound, though not quite so sound as I expected it to be. I did not dream, I think.
It is now 10.9; I shall meditate by the fire a little and read, and smoke a cigarette.
11.30. I have had no exercise since I began this Retirement. I shall go for a walk.
1.15. I have just returned; I am back in my Robe and Chamber. Physically I am weak, and I fancy that my nerves are very slightly unstrung. I went about four miles altogether,[3] with some little difficulty. My weakness is no doubt mainly owing to lack of food. On returning, I indulged in the luxury of lemonade at the Hotel: I thought it better not to take any alcohol whatever.
With luck[4] I’ll put in a good afternoon. Aum! So mote it be. I shall read θελημα till lunch.
My feeling for scenery is usually quite abnormally acute; I can see beauty anywhere. Today this feeling is entirely numb; nothing in the way of natural beauty has power to excite me. The faculty of perceiving beauty is temporarily quite dead in me.
Lunch, 1.52. Rhubarb and custard, water.
It is now 2.13.
In about half-an-hour I shall take a sulphur-bath, as hot as I can bear it. In the meantime, a cigarette and θελημα.
My worthy Guru has bagged the Magic Book and refuses it. Damn!
There are signs that I shall shortly defecate, for which God be praised!
2.50. I go down to Tub.
3.10. No go. Water not hot enough: but I have defecated. Good. I shall again betake myself to θελημα.
It is now 5.
At 4.40 I made all things ready, and rose upon the planes.
It has been the longest and most adventurous journey I have yet made. I continually used the Signs of the Elements, and the Signs of Horus and Harpocrates.
I returned only through sheer and utter weariness: I must have travelled for, or nearly for, half-an-hour. I had twenty or thirty adventures, or more. I cannot possibly recollect them all.
I started, apparently, from the place where I was deprived of hands and feet yesterday by the Hawk-headed one. Thereafter I passed a statue of Mercury; thence I went through violet light, and shortly after passed myself performing these rites: the room was full of light, and the word “Success” was around my brows.
After other adventures, I reached a Temple I have known all my life. A maiden met me: She cut me up, and sacrificed me upon an altar. After she said certain formulae over my body, I arose glorified, made the sign, and left her.
I passed also a skeleton clad in royal robes, busily engaged over a cauldron: shortly after I passed a skeleton in a coffin.
Rising upwards, I passed between two pillars. Two skeleton (?)—witches strove to detain me. They nearly succeeded, but I ultimately escaped. I passed through ten strata of colour, all different: I passed also at various times through many voids, strata of fire, and oceans. I came safely through all.
I reached Egypt, seeing the sun shining on the plains. My brethren came to meet me, bearing viands: they sought to detain me, but I persisted and rose upwards.
But I accepted hospitality in the Garden of Pan, where I had grapes and honey and wine. These refreshed me, and I rose. (This I think, was before I reached Egypt, but I am not sure.)
At one time I passed an enormous red giant, who was furious at losing me; I passed also a black giant.
The voids were sometimes full of foul and strange birds.
After leaving Egypt, I rose into the sky, passing pinnacles whereon were lions; I reached two or three very high pinnacles, whereon were growing pines and cedars: from one of these I obtained a gold breast-plate bearing the word Asar. This I brought back with me, fastened around my body.
The signs were of the greatest assistance and I obtained help from very many spirits by means of them,—which help bore me onwards when otherwise I must have failed.
I had once the idea forcibly of ten, and once, even more forcibly, of being between two pillars.
I returned through sheer weariness, descending head-first, and finding my body almost without difficulty: I used the ‘Harpocrates’-formula three times and found myself quite recovered. A jolly good journey.[5]
It is now 5.23; I shall have another shot for the bath. I am, I think, tired and happy.
Should I recall any other adventures, I will record them later.
I may add here that I passed a second statue of Mercury, which seemed somehow to be identified with myself.
6.8. Back from the sulphur-bath and shave. Ah! good, good, good! I will here add one or two details of my journey.
I was offered, I think, three crowns of varying grades. I refused them all.
The Temple wherein I was slain and glorified seemed somehow familiar to me. I felt that I had always known it.
The higher I ascended, the more real things appeared.[6]
During my journey I was tempted by a little black boy drawing water from a stream, and a fair woman. I succumbed—O virtuous one!—to the temptations of neither. I am a puritan of the best type.
I was identified with a three-pointed star, which later became six-pointed: also, I think, with a ten-pointed star.
It is now 6.15. I shall burn incense and do Pranayama.
6.31. Done Pranayama. Spiritually satisfying, but simply lung-bursting. I breathed in for twenty seconds, and out for forty. Once or twice I succeeded all the way, finishing with my head on the floor.[7]
I shall now read θελημα.
7. Preliminary Invocation.
7.7. Dinner.[8] Fish, boiled potatoes, toast; poached egg on toast; water; black coffee; cigarette.
7.55. Back in the Chamber.
10.10. Rested till 9.45, not sleeping. At 9.45 I performed necessary preliminaries and rose on the planes.
Scarcely any opposition. I once passed the Spirits of the Elements, and One above them; I passed upwards easily, upon using the necessary signs. I was in total blackness very nearly all the way, having impression of being about to receive a Crown. At last invisible hands crowned me. I threw the crown from me, and waited.
Presently it was again placed on my head. Above me the sky was quite solid, progress being impossible. So I returned, without much difficulty.
I should mention that, before starting, my feet were shackled. I easily freed myself.
Also. Before starting, and during the invocations, I had a feeling of great power, as though I were about to attain something. I am rather pleased with this journey, perhaps without reason.[9] I shall summon my Guru and ask him. I returned with the Crown: it is twelve-pointed.
It is now 10.17. Just before the preliminaries I had a cigarette.
10.32. My Guru was dissatisfied, upbraiding me bitterly with being among the Qliphoth.
He is apparently a homosexual Sadist,[10] for, in giving me thirty-two strokes with a gorse-switch, which drew blood, he showed great erection. He performed the ceremony with obvious satisfaction. The ceremony was quite painful, though it aroused no emotion in me save that of laughter. I shall rest for a space.
My Guru is difficult. Because I laughed, he called me a Masochist. Had I complained he would have called me a coward; had I manifested no emotion he would have charged me with being callous.
It is now 10.45. I am not tired I think.[11]
Note. The Qliphotic visions were caused, in all probability, by the Chela walking the estate, and so rendering his aura impure when it was in a very sensitive condition.—O.V.
Rats. P.
2—Probably a reminiscence of θελημα.—O.V. 3—I wired the result of my examination to people in the vague hope of receiving cash. Needless to say, the hope was not realised.—O.V. 4—As usual, I didn’t get it.—O.V. 5—I was mistaken: it was frightfully bad: I was among the Qliphoth all the time. Fool!—O.V. 7—My method was slightly incorrect.**—O.V. ** totally we add. P. 8—Either a coincidence, or the first instance during this Record of direct answer to prayers. Also the only instance.—O.V. 9—Certainly without any reason whatever. This whole journey is extraordinarily Qliphotic, and I actually did not recognise this at the time! ____! [indecipherable]—O.V. 10—Slandering one’s Guru is punished in the thirty-second and lowest Hell.—P. [A small price to pay for the invention of a new vice.—O.V.]
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