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Victor B. Neuburg Diary Entry Sunday, 27 June 1909
10.29 a.m.
Back in the Chamber.
After my toilet yesterday my Holy Guru bade me not to return to the Chamber, but to await him in his own. This I did, and he presently told me to go to bed. I obeyed, and soon almost the whole of my past life came back to me, not in order, but as though a searchlight were playing at random over a fragment of the Path of my existence.
Almost every person, almost every event, in my life rose up before me, and I saw clearly how far I had wandered from the true Light, and been led astray by the ignes fatui that surrounded me on every side.
I see how my only guide so far has been Rebellion against Authority; this it is that has at length led me to a faint glimmer of the True Light; I have by the grace of the gods, been led out of the darkness and the twilight; may it be given unto me, when I am fitted for this Service, to perform this office for others.
That is all; of the Ordeal[1] I may not speak save to say that it symbolised for me the Past and the Future, which became one with the ever-living Present.
At about 1.30 a.m. today I retired, fasting, and sleeping ill.
At 9.57 I arose, breakfasting abundantly at 10.7. For the sake of completeness. I will give here the menu.—Eggs, bacon, bap, toast; tea.
This Record is closed. Nothing now remains for me to do, but to place on record my unutterable and most grateful thanks to my Most Holy Guru—unto whom for ever be peace—who hath advised me all the time concerning the conduct of a Chela; who hath fittingly praised (though never have I deserved this) and blamed me, and who hath even brought me food with his own hands.
Unto all the world, Peace.
My Holy Guru brought unto me this morning a volume wherein to make a fair copy of this Record; this shall be done today.[2] Also my Holy Guru gave me a Wand of Hazel.
So here, at 10.57 on the morning of June 27, 1909, O.S., ends the Record of the Retirement of Omnia Vincam.
[Boleskine, June 29, 1909]
Note.
This copy of the Record is complete; the omissions, which are very few, have all been mentioned in the foot-notes. None of them have any bearing on the Record.
The language and punctuation have been slightly edited, the original having been necessarily written somewhat hurriedly and irregularly.
The foot-notes signed P., (in one instance, Perdurabo), are by the Most Holy Guru, and are all contemporary with the original Record.
The notes signed O.V. are by the Recorder; they were added to this copy for the sake of rendering the Record clear; they are none of them contemporary with the original Record.
O.V.
FINIS.
[General Notes by Perdurabo]
Pp. 94–101. [25 June 1909] This represents a very great attainment. It’s a reflection of the Samahdi of 7º=4o which hurls the Exempt Adept into the Abyss. The Grade of ‘Babe of the Abyss’ lies immediately beyond. In this case, had the Probationer kept the Vision, instead of sinking exhausted, he might have actually attained this grade, the threshold of the A∴A∴ P.
Pp 105–108. [25 June 1909] A great advance in meditation. The Probationer has clearly perceived his own mind, its nature and operation. This is a true picture of the normal content of an uninitiated consciousness. P.
P. 118. [27 June 1909] This is the right thing to happen when one is awaiting the particular ‘Ordeal’ in question.
Appendix.
A Fragment of Autobiography.
All my life I have had a power of vision: this was apparently a kind of Cosmic consciousness. It enabled me to see beauty everywhere, even in the most conventionally-unpromising places.
It would come upon me quite suddenly and without warning. I would find myself in an ecstasy in which I could perceive things from an entirely new and transfigured point of view.
I can best explain the kind of thing I mean by saying that I had a feeling of being identified with, and absorbed in, the universe: I became one with the Spirit of Nature.
While I was in this state, the ordinary affairs of life had no importance for me at all: I was removed from the world in which they existed. There was only It, and It and I were one.
I had an idea that this experience was confined to myself, and, oddly enough, this gave me no surprise. It seemed natural to me, and that was all that mattered.
Later, of course, I found that I was mistaken in thinking the vision unique: it is common to mystics the world over, and is, indeed, a part, although a tiny one, of the Religious Experience.
In some parts of the world—in India especially, I believe—the phenomena accompanying this religious experience are scientifically studied and tabulated.
I can say from personal experience that there is the utmost need for some such scientific study in the West,—if possible of an entirely non-religious, and above all non-sectarian nature. An excellent beginning in this work is Professor William James’ “Varieties of Religious Experience.”
As regards this vision of mine, I must admit that I do not in the least know the laws which caused the ecstasy to come into manifestation; there seems to have been no single physical or mental antecedent absolutely necessary save the open air; I can recall no single instance of this spontaneous ecstasy taking place in a building of any kind.
Solitude also was almost always necessary, though the vision could, I think occur, if one were accompanied by a very sympathetic friend. I fancy I can remember the vision occurring in such circumstances.
There was, so far as I know, no physical change in me during the occurrence of these ecstasies, excepting that my face was—I think—somewhat transfigured.
When in the ecstatic state, I had a consciousness of having always existed: I could not conceive of a time when I was not.
I do not know how long the experience lasted; while in the ecstasy I lost to some extent the consciousness of time. I think the time would vary from five minutes to half-an-hour.
The ecstasy was certainly not the direct result of any purely mental process. While I was an enthusiastic Freethinker and Atheist—which I am still, by the way—the vision occurred, and I can not remember ever finding anything inconsistent in this. The Experience was super-mental, or, if you like, sub-mental.
The vision was intense enough to throw into the shade all the other events of life. Literally, I lived for it; part of the charm no doubt consisted in the sense of exclusiveness. I could never make others understand the experience until I came across occultists and mystics. Then I knew what it was.
I do not know whether the vision could be induced at will. For some reason or other I never willed it. It always came to me.
The ecstasy began and ended quite abruptly: I would suddenly find myself in it, and as suddenly it ceased, only the memory of it remained.
Occasionally I would have in the ecstasy visions of myself—one such occurs in the foregoing Record—in the past. But this was rare.
I had always the sense of being God; also, I was waiting, it seemed, for something to happen,—some event such as death. But nothing beyond the ecstasy ever occurred.
My Holy Guru broke up this Vision entirely, giving me a purer but a far rarer one, which occurs very seldom indeed.
This very imperfect account of my spiritual life was written at the request of my Holy Guru.
My task is accomplished.
Forward and Appendix. Boleskine, June 30, 1909.
The Record of Omnia Vincam rewritten by him laboriously and carefully in a neat and legible handwriting. The vulgar and obscene expressions, where they occur, have been modified for the sake of good manners.
This beautiful volume is presented to him for the purpose of such fair copy making, together with the Wand of Hazel. It is laid upon Omnia Vincam to straighten perfectly this wand, and to imbibe it with night Oil of Abramelin.
—P[erdurabo]
June 27, 1909 O.S. An V
1—I am permitted to speak, but I prefer to remain quite silent.—O.V. 2—This work occupied, as a matter of fact, three days.—June 27-29, 1909.—O.V.
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