Meredith Starr Diary Entry

Sunday, 17 July 1910

8.30 — 9. Breathing. 9dispersed with watch). Sat in God-position again. . . . and I felt much more at ease. . . .

Results. Perspired freely. Very curious sensation which I cannot define. . . . It came in waves.

Invoked "Sacred feeling" very strong.

The Thing.

What thing is this that glares and gloats

Upon me through the purple gloom?

A subtle something from it floats

Around me—something frought with doom.

It lies like lead upon my breast,

And weighs upon my soul like doom;

A horror that remains unguessed,—

A messenger from what, from whom?

The Thing—I know not what it is—

That weaves its web around my soul,

Unpitying my miseries,

With eyes that glow like living coal

Pierces my brain, until I feel

A numbness creeping down my spine,

While fearful fangs of shuddering steel

Themselves around my body twine.

A darkness that I cannot name

Enfolds me in a dread embrace;

I only see the eyes of flame

That glower from the dreadful place.

It seems that I have died; I see

My body lying stark and cold

Upon the floor; how can this be?

I know not—some dark mist is rolled

Before the windows of my mind,

Obliterating memory;

Helpless I halt, amazed and blind

Before some awful mystery.

Went to 124 Victoria Street from 8 — 12. . . . Artemis was invoked. . . . I do not think I actually saw anything. . . . but I entered thoroughly into what was going on—and had some curious sensations. We all drank some Angelica—which I think horrid. . . . When I got home I was sick. . . . Next time I go I shall refuse to drink anything. Enjoyed it except for the Angelica.

I think Crowley made a mistake in lettering—perform rituals and read things. He has written the voice, was the personality, was the quality of putting himself properly in sympathy with what he said.

Slept 5 hours (about) 2.30 — 7.30.

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