Meredith Starr Diary Entry

Thursday, 21 July 1910

10 —11. Dentist I wish my nervous system was far less sensitive.

Saw Shirley [Ralph Shirley] 3 — 4.30—Took him out to tea.

Important Events. Letter from Vanity Fair saying that they would print my skit on Eustace Miles next week. Charming letter from Macbeth Bain.

I am going to see how various perfumes affect me. . . . I bought some storax and musk to begin with. I will smell them for 1/2 hour before going to sleep at night and see what happens.

The Properties of Perfumes.

I.

Storax.

Storax is a resinous gum etc (here should follow a description of the scent).

After inhaling it for about 20 minutes I turned out the light and tried to compose myself to sleep. The time was 11 p.m. Directly I lay down, I became conscious that the perfume had taken effect somewhere in the dim recesses of my brain. I concentrated on this effect. After a short time I noticed I could hear and feel the blood throbbing in my teeth. The pulsations were monotonous in the extreme, and seemed to be separated by long intervals. The dominant physical sensation was lethargy. Soon I went to sleep.

When I awoke it was still quite dark in the room. I seemed to have slept a very long while. The feeling of lethargy was very strong but I did not feel tired. My sense of time was utterly perverted. I lay awake for what appeared to be an eternity. The ponderous passage of time was so slow as to be almost intolerable. Years and years passed before my mind's eye in unending procession. Each period of time was precisely similar to its predecessor. My thoughts might have been compared to weary wastes of water and desolate tracts of barren land. The colour analogous to these sensations was grey—an eternity of monotonous grey.

Would the night never end? Try as I might I could not go to sleep; though the feeling of lethargy was as strong as ever. Finally, unable to endure lying still any longer, I turned on the light and looked at my watch. Figure my astonishment when I saw that it was only 3 A.M.! I had only been lying down for four hours! My pulse was 45 times a minute.

At about 6 A.M. I again went to sleep for a short while, and had a dream which impressed me strongly at the time. I appeared to be in need of assistance; perhaps I called for help. A veiled figure bent over me, and taking my hand asked me if I was better. Then I awoke.

Slept. ? ? ? hrs. 11 — 1 ? and 6 — 6.30 ? about 2 1/2 hrs.

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