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Meredith Starr Diary Entry Sunday, 14 August 1910
Awoke at 8 a.m. I still feel the influence of the hashish. Felt rather sleepy until I began to dress.
3.15 p.m. Went to the pier to hear Zachorevitch, who is here for the day. He is suppose to be the greatest living violinist. His playing is certainly wonderful. His technique is perfect, and is dominated by a strong, masterful will. There is a good deal of the "dire demoniac dawn" about him, and a suggestion to the "black disastrous dew." There is something Napoleonic about him too. During one of the passages he played I felt as tho' all the hairs on my body suddenly became erect, while a fierce wave of heat surged through me from head to foot.
The hashish is gradually passing off; it still lingers: There will be no reaction.
4.30. Had tea.
4.45—5.30. Went outside on the terrace of the pier—where the wind was strongest and I could get a good view of the sea which was quite rough. I then meditated on the power of wind and sea—with quite good results.
At first I could not look the wind in the face (with open) eyes. After a short while I felt a new pulse of power pervading me. I imagined first the wind and the sea as giving me power—I used them as levers for the will. Then I battled with them and dominated them. . . . feeling a tremendous force and power thrilling through me and perception and sensation became one (observe my will had to combat the lingering hashish results). I found that I had absolutely no difficulty in looking the wind in the face. . . . my eyes scarcely seemed to feel it. It seemed as though I had actually assimilated into my being the power of the wind and the great roaring strength of the sea.
6.30. Arrived home; wrote this record. Looking into the glass I noticed that the pupils of my eyes were much larger than normally. (They were their usual size this morning and after lunch).
It is now 7.10. I will sacrifice the power I have obtained to Adonai—I will send it to him in a steady continuous current of will.
7.15. Performed Lesser Banishing Ritual of the Pentagram.
7.55. Have performed the Invocation to Adonai in its completeness. Will now meditate and continue silently concentrating on Adonai.
8.8. Aura of room extremely powerful: it consists in the main of a great, uplifting calm. "Beyond!—ever Beyond" cries the Voice of my Soul. As soon as anything is attained it must be given up and left behind. "Beyond! Beyond!" Conquest must ever be succeeded by renunciation. In the end The Great Triumph becomes The Great Renunciation.
8.25 — 38. Read C's II & III of Θελγμχ.
8.40. Will go to dinner.
9. Back. The difference noticeable between the atmosphere in and outside my room is very remarkable.
9 — 9.30. Finished John St. John which I had previously been reading. Will now retire—willing Adonai. Concentration bad. Went to sleep about 10.15.
Slept 9 3/4 hours—till 8.
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