A.M.

4:40

What did I receive? First in the soul? I was conscious of receiving something through feeling and drew near enough physical—waking to hear myself mention ‘soul’. Second had to do with mind. This was more clear but I could not bring anything through.

4:50 - 5:07

Settled myself for Dharana but all doors closed. If I could understand this cutting off! The intellect, yes; but at times there is something else—I know the physical location in the head. Last night I could not visualize because of this, nor now. There is a definite obstruction.

7:30

I sit for work, but utterly impossible.

Noon.

^[1]

While at bath came question of open mind. Have always insisted there should be no convictions, that all messages given the world were definitely arranged by the gods to meet every individual, many gates being required to the kingdom of heaven. But that does not mean, of course, that we should not have the utmost confidence in our method it means only that the other fellow, though entirely opposed may be absolutely right, considering the present growth of that individual. But I should not have to argue this out—it is all together too plain.

P.M.

2:30

I am still in the muddle and cannot understand it at all. I feel no self-reliance: a pawn moved at the will of another—I mean, inwardly. My mind is quite beyond my grasp and I find this tiring. I say ‘neither pleasure nor pain’ and yet at times my spirit droops: I cannot put from me the question of responsibility for the condition.

4:10

After writing above took ‘Stolen Post Office’ and came to hill. Worked on several pages and then slept!

10:30-5

ASANA.

Still blank. There is nothing I can grasp. The mind feels like the throat expanded, held tight and drowsy as when one yawns. I never willed vision before coming to Cefalu so cannot say whether I have experienced just this condition before.

All this reacts on the physical, leaving me weary in body.