A.M.

10:30

A very difficult thing for me was the acceptance of Abbey money for a former trip to Palermo—it stung and burned. Yesterday I made a test. I accepted 3,000 lira, having in my pocket a draft for 2100. I feel now I could accept money from whatever source the Gods willed. But, after all, is it a test with a draft in one’s pocket? It sounds rather silly.

P.M.

2:00

‘Something more than a trip to Naples’.

Poupée? Lea [Leah Hirsig]?

What a strange look in the face of that child! (she lay dead) Baffling! I have known Poupee in the past, I have known that ever since my arrival and—if I read not amiss—I shall know her again!

Do we come in physically where we left off? So I have been told, but this does not satisfy me: I must know for myself. And this is where I am somewhat at sea regarding books at Cefalu.

Since May, 1918 I hunger for, demand, firsthand knowledge. The music, the vitality of these books feed me—at times I am conscious if Force as, in California, for instance, I could place my hand on the Equinox in Silence and touch A.A. (I thought). I never felt close to O.T.O. But the knowledge to be found in these books must mean infinitely more to some students.

3:00

Without the books, etc., as balance I would become lop-sided? (If I am not that already!) Intuition minus science—feminine sans masculine. That must be it.