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Looking into myself last
evening, I decided to smoke again. This smoking
resulted in relaxing all along the line, especially
that centre in the back on a level with the
heart—and then breathing deeply and consciously
against it? through it? with it?—with it, I think,
strengthening and giving it two feet to stand on.
It does not seem possible that
I am ready for this step—and yet did I expect it to
“burst” upon me a year ago! However, there is 1918
to bolster one. There, after many battles, did I
finally become passionless and say “Into Thine
hands, O God, do I commend my spirit.”
So must one enter one’s canoe,
passionless, empty, and float out over the stream,
eyes, ears and senses alive to what may transpire;
so enter the maelstrom, so face the Falls, so drop
with that mighty Niagra, so be churned over the
rocks of the Rapids, finally to enter the still Lake
beyond.
“There must be no turning back; that way lies
destruction.”
I now see Lea [Leah Hirsig]
and I meant the same thing (as she finally said) in
our talk about “letting go”—my statement that one
must consciously go being, I believe, the stumbling
block.
Hello! In this last statement
something unearthed of which I thought myself
devoid. VANITY! Bon! So long as you are there, Hail!
Now at last I see your face.
Lea expressed surprise when I
said “Failure” never entered my head. I now realize
this due to fact that “Success” does not enter
either. I simply AM.
E String. Think it splendid;
has the picture quality for which I have been
looking—more than any story yet submitted.
20’ Pranayama. |