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Jane Wolfe Diary Entry Wednesday, 25 August 1926
"Keep heart and eyes steadfast" I heard in my sleep this morning. Now what does this mean? I do feel somewhat adrift. I have kept doggedly at work for years on perfecting the instrument. This 'perfecting' has called forth many emotions, from those of spiritual exaltation, gratitude and praise, to serious rebellion, detestation and well-nigh despair. Yet I persisted. The incentive which kept me going—i.e., what I saw and was told in California—ceased some time ago to move me: it is merely so much rubbish to me now. I thump along blindly, yet if I am to be of any use to the Work I must know more than I know now - I must have the realization.
Poor Ninette [Ninette Shumway]! A letter came from her this morning of despair. So I sent her a poor little 150 francs, the amount I proposed paying the landlady on my account for the week's rent and which she kindly refused to take. I now have bed and board for another week anyhow and 20 francs in my purse to squander. I wonder what Leah's circumstances are now? Ninette, Mab and Jane flat; as well as Beast, I assume. However, Mab is all right for the present at least: she doesn't have to pay rent of any kind, so she gets her share of the general depression all around in wretched boredom.
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