BALLADE OF SUMMER JOYS

Published in the Cambridge Magazine

Cambridge University, Cambridge, England

1 June 1899

Someone has foolishly observed

That everything is vanity,

Nor even mentally reserved

A possible exception. I

Propose to mention musically

The pleasures of a lazy laze

With aspic and with strawberry

And lots of Salmon Mayonnaise.

One’s father may be much unnerved

When, like a pigeon (pigeon-pie!—

Smack, lips!) that elegant and curved

Comes homing through the summer sky,

The kitchen bill before his eye

Looms. Grammar? Do you think to raise

Grammar on wines divinely dry

And lots of Salmon Mayonnaise?

I was about to ask—Lunch served?

Right ! I am coming—to ask why

These innocent delights deserved

From Solomon the old and sly

The epithet he certainly

Appears to have employed. He prays

No fizz, nor will to heaven apply

For lots of Salmon Mayonnaise.

L'ENVOI

King of the Israelites, lay by

Austere looks and ascetic ways!

You would condone polygamy—

I only ask for length of days

With lots of Salmon Mayonnaise.