The Hoodoo

From a Collection of Crowley's Plays and Scenarios

Dick Opie, aged 30, a clubman, about to marry Sybil Buckmaster, gives a farewell bachelor party. The only dark spot at the table is Hans Pfeffer, his defeated rival for her favour.

Hans makes an excuse, leaves the party early, paces the streets despairingly, wakes up to find himself in Chinatown. An old Chinaman stoned. Hans interferes. Chink accosts him, says he sees Hans in trouble and offers to remove it. He takes Hans into his shop and gives him an idol and a branch of ginseng, saying: “You give this to your enemy. Every time you chew the ginseng some harm comes to whoever has the image. When you finish the ginseng, he dies.”

Hans offers to pay for the image. Chink refuses money. Hans goes off with it. On the way home he wonders what ginseng tastes like, and nibbles the end of the branch. Immediately two men jump on him, strip him of everything, even his dress coat. However, they neglect to take away the ginseng which Hand picks up. He goes home. In the morning he wakes up, thinks over events, and wrote advertisement: “One o'clock this morning, corner Banal and Rand Streets, bring image to 1003 Vanderbilt Hall. You will have trouble at noon and midnight every day until you do. Reward 100 dollars. No questions asked.”

At noon Hans cheerfully chews the ginseng. The robbers at home. Bill's wife gets mad and beats him, his pal tries to separate them, they fall over a table. One breaks his arm, the other his leg.

Later Bill's wife brings evening paper. They read the advertisement; argue, decide to hold out for a higher price. Mid-night. Hans chews. Police raid the robbers — they are arrested. Bill tells his wife to take the image to its owner, which she does.

Next day Hans calls on Sybil, saying farewell. He gives her the image as a wedding present. She is delighted. Dick comes in — Hans goes off — stops outside door and chews the ginseng. Dick is kissing Sybil. His cigarette catches her dress on fire. Dick rolls her in a rug and saves her life.

Next day. Hans calls to console on the accident. He thinks he will watch results and chew the ginseng in her presence. Her mother, entering the room, catches her feet in the carpet and falls, cutting her face badly on the radiator.

Hans now chews the ginseng every morning, determined to stop the marriage. Sybil is arrested in a store for stealing handkerchiefs — another woman, who has really done the theft, having become frightened and slipped them into Sybil's pocket.

Sybil is discharged by the magistrate, only to have an automobile accident on the way home. She is playing the piano — the ceiling falls on her.

Next day Dick is calling and suddenly exhibits the symptoms of extreme drunkenness. She furiously dismisses him. The servants have to carry him out. Next day Dick vindicates himself. When he leaves, she goes to the stairs to waive to him, has a dizzy fit, and falls down.

They begin to believe that something is wrong. Dick urges her to hasten the marriage, hoping it will break the spell of bad luck. She agrees to make it three days later.

The first day the butler upsets the soup-tureen on her head. The second day she resolves to be very cautious and stay in bed for safety. Her maid brings lunch. After lunch she sleeps, is restless and knocks a glass to the floor. Waking later, she goes to get a book, and cuts her foot on the broken glass. The third day she says: “Well I don't care,” and goes swimming out of bravado with Dick. Both are nearly drowned and have to be brought back by the pulmotor.

The next day they are married. Hans in church chews vigorously. NOTHING HAPPENS! He rushes furiously downtown, finds the Chinaman and complains that the image is not working. The Chinaman replies, laughing heartily: “It won't stop a marriage. That's the biggest trouble there is.” Hans goes off raving. Bill and his pal (just out of prison) point him out, and act as if they were scared.

Hans at home begins chewing again. Dick and Sybil, on their honeymoon, have their auto stalled in desolate place. They start to walk to a town — it pours with rain. They arrive and reach a disreputable Inn. Dick's money is taken from him by a servant of the Innkeeper, who has been dismissed that afternoon, and now bolts with the money. The Innkeeper finds Dick penniless and hands him to the Sheriff, who locks him up for the night. In the morning he telephones his father's office. The old man is bankrupt. He phones Sybil's mother. The house has been burgled in the night. She is half dead with shock, especially as her money was invested with Dick's father.

The burglary at Sybil's house is shown. It is Bill and his pal. They see the image, are terribly frightened and resolve to take it back to Hans as the only safe proceeding. They do so. He is out. They place it on a bracket behind a curtain in Han's house.

Dick's multi-millionaire uncle calls at his brother's office. He takes over his liabilities and offers the old man a partnership in his own business. Dick and Sybil are set free by the Sheriff. They find their auto brought into town and repaired. The thief at the Inn has been arrested, and Dick's money is restored to him. They return to the Ritz. They join the party. Hans comes in for lunch and goes out on seeing them, quite crazy with hate. He goes back to his rooms, takes the ginseng from the drawer and cries: “She must die!” and chews the ginseng furiously till none is left.

He is suddenly taken ill, and thinks he will take brandy. He opens the curtains which conceal the sideboard. He sees the image. He understands that he has killed himself, and dies in convulsions.

[373]