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The Thriller Triolets
When pretty Penelope Penny Poisoned Polonius Pound Folk said sweetly smiling but lion-eyed, She fed him potassium cyanide. The people of Drigg and Dalmeny Were glad when the news got around That pretty Penelope Penny Had poisoned Polonius Pound.
When tough Theodosia Terry Throttled Theophilus Trout, They said: "The sublime Aristotle Observed: It is thrifty to throttle. The people of Bodim and Bury Looked wise when the story came out That tough Theodosia Terry Had throttled Theophilus Trout.
When subtle Semiramis Shipley Shot up Sacheverell Smith, Men said: She had always with men vied; The gain was the phallus she envied! The people of Reading and Ripley Said: This is a Freudian myth; When subtle Semiramis Shipley Shot up Sacheverell Smith.
When dirty Druscilla Dunbriggan Drowned Diocletian Dunn, Men said: Dolly Diddle'ms daughter Was wicked to waste all the water. The people of Whipple and Wigan Said: Yon was a rare bit o' fun, When dirty Druscilla Dunbriggan Drowned Diocletian Dunn.
When virtuous Vivien Vinser Vivisected Vespasian Vowles Men said: The technique is too topping! The people of Winchester, Wapping, Ware, Windermere, Worthing and Windsor Said: Surely a salve to our souls When virtuous Vivien Vinser Vivisected Vespasian Vowles.
When angry Aspasia Alton Axed Apemautus Adair, Men said that the news would sound sweetest To Zachary Zeal the Zetetist. The people of Cork and Carshalton Said: Stand away! give the chap air! When angry Aspasia Alton Axed Apemautus Adair.
When cozy Cordelia Crawshaw Coshed Caracalla Cordell, Men said: The boy's brains are so battered That even the ceiling is spattered. The folk of Weehawken and Warschau Said: She managed that very well When cozy Cordelia Crawshaw Coshed Caracalla Cordell.
When buxom Belinda Beluga Butchered Bartholomew Binns, Men said: We were sure he could catch it When once she got hold of a hatchet. The people of Tring and Tortuga Said: See the result of his sins! When buxom Belinda Beluga Butchered Bartholomew Binns.
When ruthless Rachel Ravioli Rubbed out Roderigo Riddell, Men said: when he ventured to face her She picked up the pencil-eraser. The people of Aix and Arcole Said: That ought to teach him to spell, When ruthless Rachel Ravioli Rubbed out Roderigo Riddell.
When mischievous Molly Menander Murdered Mephibosbeth Muir, Men said: "Split his skull with a sabre? Hum! Hardly the act of a neighbour!" The people of Sfax and Santander Said: Swift, satisfactory, sure! When mischievous Molly Menander Murdered Mephibosbeth Muir.
When kind Kasimira O'Kelly Killed Koltanowski O'Keefe, Men said: "A young woman of culture! She paid for suburban sepulture." The people of Durham and Delhi Said: Good! with a sigh of relief When kind Kasimira O'Kelly Killed Koltanowski O'Keefe.
When queenly Quartilla Quixote Quelled Quiney Quintilian Quinn, Men said: "She learned that trick in Chitval, She bowled him a bucket of vitriol." The people of Arles and Agroti Said: "Not very good for the skin!" When queenly Quartilla Quixote Quelled Quiney Quintilian Quinn.
When happy Hypatia Hoover Hammered Herodotus Hoare, Men said: "A good show, on my soul 'tis! She pounded the pulp to a poultice." The people of Vannes and Vancouver Said: "Thorough, the teaching of Thor!" When happy Hypatia Hoover Hammered Herodotus Hoare.
When fanciful Fanny Fanzetti Fried Fingal O'Flaherty Fox, Men said: "See, she cooked him with salsify, A flavour that fraud cannot falsify." The people of Prome and Polpetty Said: "Lunch was a series of shocks" When fanciful Fanny Fanzetti Fried Fingal O'Flaherty Fox.
When innocent Imogen Iago Impaled Ian Inigo Inge, Men said: "Crips, Caracco, and Crikey! As a seat it seems sinfully spiky." The people of Cheam and Chicago Said: "Now, proletariat, sing!" When innocent Imogen Iago Impaled Ian Inigo Inge.
When oily Olivia Onan Outed Octavian Ochs, Men said: "Here's a call to carousin'! Such blows would have stove a ship's bow in." The people of Hampshire and Honan Said: "Attaboy! giving him socks!" When oily Olivia Onan Outed Octavian Ochs.
When naughty Natalia Navarro Nailed Nehemiah Napoo, Men said: "Jael did so to Sisera, The forehead—avoiding the viscers." The people of Berwick and Barro Said: "Serve him well right, the old Jew!" When naughty Natalia Navarro Nailed Nehemiah Napoo.
When xanthous Xantippe Xicoatl Xd Xenophon Xavier X————, Men said: "The anonymous blackguard! How slain? All the doctors were staggered. The people of Bootle and Battle Said. Offer her ten dollars Mex.," When xanthous Xantippe Xicoatl Xd Xenophon Xavier X————.
When jovial Jennifer Jalap Jumbled Jehosophat Jinks, Men said: "What a succulent pottage! Talk about 'Love in a cottage'!" The people of Sussex and Salop Said: "My! what a masterly minx!" When jovial Jennifer Jalap Jumbled Jehosophat Jinks.
When lucky Laetitia Lopez Levelled Lobengula Lobb, Men said: "A mahogany level Sent many a man to the Devil." The people of Spa and Santropez Said: "That was a jolly good job." When lucky Laetitia Lopez Levelled Lobengula Lobb.
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