Demcomep

By J.F.C. Fuller

Published in the Agnostic Journal

London, England

18 May 1907

(pages 305-306)

The clock struck midnight, I shivered, what was that? A distinct rap! With a pack of Tarot cards in my hand I was casting up the probable cycle of Aunt Philadelphia's life; she was rich;—again rap, this time more distinctly. I placed the twenty-first card, "The Universe," on the black cloth before me; Rap, rap rap! This time there could be no mistake about it: rap, rap, rap, rap, rap! The heels of the silver Christ above my head were violently tapping the black ebony cross on which he hung. I muttered an "Ave Maria," crossed myself, and poured a whisky-and-soda. What could it mean? Was the Universe coming to an end? Then I remembered it was the morning of the twenty-second of September, of the year of the Master, nineteen hundred and six.

Twenty-two! Something about this number tempted me; then, with difficulty, I divided it in half, when lo! that evil number eleven. Eleven disciples after the fall of Iscariot, I thought, and thinking, fell asleep.

At breakfast next morning, I had forgotten all about the mysteries of the night, and was playfully dallying with a kipper, when the maid brought me in the Standard.

I opened it. My kipper flew out the window; this struck me as odd and unusual, not to say annoying: then the life-size painted "photo" of my maiden aunt swung round on its nail over the mantel-piece, and came down with a crash. At the time I did not notice it, my eyes were glued on "the end of the world"; a thousand times No! Not a world without end, but without beginning, I read:

GENESIS I. BARRED IN SCHOOLS.

"The Pembrokeshire Education Committee decided yesterday that the first chapter of Genesis must not be read in Council Schools."

Three lines, that was all. No roaring of thunder, no flashing of lightning, no raging of the seas, no quaking of the earth, not even a twopenny-tube smash; the Pembrokeshire Education Committee had decided that the Omniscient had bungled, that the All-perfect God of gods was at fault—that was all! the universe had come to no-beginning.

Genesis I. dismissed in three lines! What about Genesis II.? Phew! To think of the blasphemy: that might go also. And Genesis XIX! Lord, have mercy upon us poor sinners; without that sacred chapter there could be no morals, no regeneration; our wives would turn from us, our very daughters would forsake their homes, and would no longer obey, tend and cherish their broken-hearted fathers. O the horror of it all, the horror of it!

Why had these children of Lucifuge thus tampered with holy writ? Why dismiss Genesis I.? Why not the whole book—O Satanus, why not? Was it that their knowledge of the word of God had not travelled so far? Lord, be praised, for thy mercy endureth forever. O mystery of mysteries, these are they who shall educate thy children, O Lord, these bugs of Orcus.

The world was as a lamb which had lost its mother; it was without a beginning. There was a void, something must fill it, that was most certain, most sure.

Something had to be done to fill this bottomless chasm—at last—yes—it was a desperate and daring deed; the world had no creation; in its place I determined to substitute the creation of the "Gold-finding Hen," that mystic bird which, for many generations past, the Church has cabalistically worshipped under the guise of the "Amorous Pigeon." Therefore, without delay, I sat me down, and the spirit of the Lord came upon me in the form of a black hen, and I thought; for had not that servant of the Lord been wrong now that Demcomep had discovered that the world was not created at four o'clock on the morning of Thursday, the 27th of October, 4002 B.C.?

Then the word of the Lord came upon me and I wrote:—

"1 In the beginning God came to Oramasis, the father of Tardsuc, and said unto him, Let there be a black hen, and there was not a black hen.

 

"2 Then he was exceedingly wroth and said, Behold now take unto thyself aromatic woods, such as aloes, cedar, orange, citron, laurel, orris-root with rose-leaves and dry them in the sun.

 

"3 And place them in a golden chafing-dish, and pour over them balsamic oil, and add unto them fine incense and clear gum. And Oramasis did so.

 

"4. Then did Elohim bless them saying, 'ATHAS SOLINAM, ERMINATOS, PASAIM.'

 

"5 After which he commanded Oramasis that he should cover the dish with a glass, and thereon direct the rays of the sun; so that the wood might kindle, and the glass might melt, and a sweet odour might arise as a savour unto his nostrils; and Oramasis did as the Lord bid him.

 

"6 Then said the Lord unto Oramasis collect thou the ashes and place them within a golden egg while yet red hot, and lay the egg on a black cushion;

 

"7 And he did so, covering it with a glass cut from the midst of a pure crystal.

 

"8 The Oramasis lifted up his eyes and stretched out his arms and cried with a loud voice, 'O SANATAPER, ISMAI, NONTAPILUS, ERTIVALER, CANOPISTUS.'

 

"9 And the Lord said, expose the glass unto the most fierce rays of the sun, and he exposed it.

 

"10 Then was the glass enveloped in flame ceasing to be visible, and a slight vapour arose, and from out the vapour flew a black pullet.

 

"11 And Oramasis said in a clear voice, 'BINUSAS TESTIPAS,' and the hen nestled in his bosom.

 

"12 Thus was the creation of the gold-finding hen finished and all the host of them, and God saw everything he had made and behold it was very good."

Then again was I overshadowed and the voice as of one rejected cried unto me, Write, O Scribe, for my literary reputation is at stake, the wedge hath been inserted and the timber will soon split, and when the prop hath been destroyed, O then who shall support my house, and if the house fall where then wilt be thy God?

So I wrote the second chapter of the Book of the Beginning:

"1 Now it came to pass that Oramasis the father of Tardsuc was alone in his hen-house, and the black pullet spake to him saying;

 

"2 O Oramasis I lay golden eggs, but what am I?

 

"3 Then was Oramasis tempted, and he seized the hen in such a manner that she could not cackle, and he repaired to a high road, and to a cross-road which leadeth into that high road;

 

"4 And at the twelfth hour of the night he drew with a cypress rod a circle in the dust of the earth, and he placed himself in the midst thereof, and tore the bird in twain till she died.

 

"5 And over her thrice he did repeat, 'Eloim, Essoim, frugative et appellavi.'

 

"6 Next he turneth him unto the East and kneeleth praying for a little while.

 

"7 And behold unto him came an Unclean Spirit, and it appeared unto him wearing a scarlet surcoat, a yellow vest, and breeches of pale green.

 

"8 And it had the head of a dog, with ears as of an ass, and horns above the ears, and his hoofs were like unto those of a calf.

 

"9 And its name was Demcomep.

 

"10 Therefore the Lord sent him forth from the hen-house to till the ground from whence he was taken.

 

"11 So he drove out Oramasis, and he placed at the east of the hen-house Kerubim and a flaming sword which turned every way to keep the way of the hen roost."

Of course, as the "Catholic Truth Society" states, "Agnostics cannot possibly grasp such sublime mysteries as these, though most probably Mrs. Eddy might, during her lucid intervals." And to corroborate this wonderful truth, and so make it impervious to the attacks of this wicked sect, I will quote the words of that eminent divine, the Rev. J. Gerard:

"The Agnostic held that he could know nothing about God or other truths of religion; but that the Christian whose religion was a vital element in his life could draw upon a source of knowledge utterly sealed to his antagonist, namely, upon his own experience of the working of God in his soul."

Or, to those who are not adepts in the mysteries of the Church, this, being interpreted, meaneth: "The laying of the golden eggs by the black hen."

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