Correspondence from Charles Stansfeld Jones to Aleister Crowley

P.O. Box 70

Vancouver. B.C.

February 27th 1918 E.V.

My Beloved Father,

Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.

The receipt of your two letters, to hand yesterday and to-day, has given me much pleasure and not a little relief. I am taking an early opportunity of copying the first in duplicate and forwarding to Bros Cowie [George MacNie Cowie] and Windram [James Windram], as requested.

These letters clear up much and put things in a light which shows me just where the really important work lies. I did not know of course that I could be of much help just yet in regard to the Equinox—other than trying to write my little record, which I am doing as best I can—nor, since the question of the G.[reat] M.[agical] R.[etirement] arose, did I foresee that there was likely to be magical work to be done together for the Great Cause. In any case, all I ask is to be placed where I can be of most real use and help, and I have not any doubt that whatever my real Work is I shall Try and do it anyway. The question seems to be whether unnecessary delay has been caused through any limitations on my part. The question of my coming to visit you has not been a prominent one just lately, until I suggested that it might be possible for me to do so because of a certain scheme I was trying to work here. This more less fell through, and my initiation coming along unexpectedly just afterwards changed my outlook as far as the scheme itself was concerned. I then began to consider what appeared to be more important, till they again were changed by various events and finally I hear from you and am once more directed towards the main issue, and you again suggest that I come to N.[ew] Y.[ork].

Now all that you say about R.S.J. [Rubina Stansfeld Jones] may be perfectly right, but I don't think she has been keeping me from coming to see you. It is, and always has been, as far as I can see, a question of M.O.N.E.Y. (And as you say 333 but it's pretty well got all of us in the same boat, if I mistake not.) What kept me from taking my Initiations in N.Y. before the O.T.O. was started here: I tried every possible source then. There was no objection to the G.M.R. with you. I sold my trunk, and some firs (the latter were not paid for, and returned), tried to get fired from my job, so as to get paid a month extra. Nothing doing, I could not raise fare and expenses with enough to keep R.S.J. for a couple of weeks even, and besides, just then you found you could not make the G.M.R. This Xmas, I try again on my own, and nothing was forthcoming in cash. I haven't got worldly possessions that would raise enough to get there etc. if I sold up and left R.S.J. without a place to stay in. (Unless perhaps I sold all the books; and I did as a matter of fact offer to sell my Equinoxes if it had been necessary for me to get to you for that G.M.R. last year, since I had more or less promised I'd get there if you did).

For the last month I have fought with the B.C.E.R. [British Columbia Electric Railway] by every means in my power in order to get even an increase so that I could perhaps save enough to do something. Having got to the point of actually resigning I am now just likely to be out of a job at the middle of March. (Of course They may be working this, and come through with a means of progress, at the right time, I'm doing my bit anyway.) I've had a pretty hard time of it, my Father, and this last affair has been all ordeal, though I recognize how good that is because it proves what one can stand and after all it seems to be a question of the one who can stand the most and still keep on confidently. I long to be with you, and work with you—no one knows how much—but it does seem almost impossible to force issues. The stage-setting for this last affair must have been worked out in minute detail—I think—for no detail was lacking, and yet in many ways there was a duplication of certain conditions on a little different plane perhaps, that were present in 1917. It seems almost like your recent case where another person suddenly takes up a work just where one left it off years before. Was the time wasted in between or were They preparing an even more complete flowering? It would almost seem that when the time is ripe the pieces fit together exactly like the parts of a puzzle. One of us must and will find a way somehow to get together as soon as it is absolutely necessary to the complete scheme. I am pretty certain that no personal considerations will stop me doing my part if only I can see the possibility of doing it, and, what's more, I'm convinced that if I am too dense to see, I'll be forced in the right direction as long as I'm really prepared to leave the details and plans to Them.

Now regarding this question of holding back a single drop of blood. I cannot get down to writing full details of Ordeals etc to-night, but will do so as soon as I can now that I have heard from you. I think however that I got through completely and it would seem that I am absolved on the point you mention because at the time I deliberately left the Madonna and bambino not knowing what would become of me, without word of farewell and under the impression that some disaster might well overtake them if I was unable to return. That same night I was definitely directed to go by boat to Victoria without chance to letting them know. The elements were working strongly, and I knew something was about to happen. I had no expectation of arriving safely at the end of the boat trip myself, and as a matter of fact was very surprised that I did so, as was undergoing rituals of elements etc all the way, and got mixed up with storms and ice and all kinds of things on the astral, so that I was pretty well convinced when I arrived that some kind of a storm had hit Vancouver and in particular that 'abomination of desolation' I had left. I was under the impression then that my little family was no more. Things went on, and the big point of the affair took place the next night while in vision. Then came the balancing of all things, the 'nothingness with twinkles' as perhaps you would call it. The bringing all to a minute point of light, and the incarnation of same in the heart. The opening and closing of the Eye—and the destruction and reformation of all things but every time a fresh combination—O it was wonderful—Do you think I was worrying about personal details then. Why it was right back to the beginning of things there was only the Word and another flash and a new Creation, and the Word and another new combination. . . . . . . Then later, the Ordeal of holding on till the last one attains. I remember how I started up in my little cell from that vision to find a couple of dirty old Mongolians peering in through the bars in the dusk—the last two and ages to wait. . . . . . By God I didn't give in though, but They got me once so that every fiber of my being shrieked—just once I think. . . . . . It was not for a couple of days that I found out definitely that Vancouver had not been hit by a storm at all, but there had been a storm all night and it hit Chilliwack Valley tearing down all the high tension wires covering them with six inches of solid ice cutting off water supply and flooding the town. I think I gave up R.S.J. all right beforehand. (Also I broke loose all right the first day in Victoria. I can't remember much about it, but I walked into some woman's room in an hotel, without being asked and had a hell of a good time, if I knew who and where she was I think I'd take another trip).

I don't think I've let human affection get mixed up with IX°. My relationship with R.S.J. is a peculiar one. The tie is in many respects like that of a Neophyte to Probationer. She claimed the right to stand on her own feet, and I've let her do it, even to 'sacrificing myself wholly on her behalf' She's had a pretty tough time of it, for she was full of faults, but she has held on well, and in January certainly got a illumination similar to that I experienced in 1910. I want to see her through if possible and not to leave her un-necessarily in the lurch. Of course I realize I must not and cannot sacrifice 'The Work' on her account O.I.V.V.I.O. is not C.S.J.

I will not ramble on any more to-night—it's very late. Count on me when the time comes, and They make it possible for me to find a way.

Please let me know if you still consider I am falling down on any point and if explanation is in order. Thanks very much for P.S. on back of letter.

With love and greetings.

With Filial and Fraternal Greetings,

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