|
Correspondence from Aleister Crowley to Norman Mudd
Paris
May 14/24 e.v.
My beloved son.
I refuse to feed your morbid imagination with accounts of your past crimes to brood over. Your whole letter shows a great advance but there is a bigger step to take. You may cross the Abyss on one plane at least. You have got to kill out thoroughly all interest in yourself by an act of Pure Will. You must live wholly in the objective world. Any thought which is not entirely devoted to the Great Work (Vindication etc.) is a "break" in concentration.
My plan was to give, first Estai [Jane Wolfe], the A.I. [Eddie Saayman], then you the chance of winning golden spurs by "saving the Master". You have been letting your chance slip. You have little time left. We have had no food for four and twenty hours and see no chance of any relief.*
Jones [George Cecil Jones] sent £85 to pay Bourcier, arranging carefully that I should not have one penny of it, though supplied with 2 doctors' certificates that I was ill, unable to work, and in urgent need of rest in the country; also a wire from the Consul that my situation was desperate. (Jones's own representative here sees clearly that his action is dictated by deliberate malice.) If you can't make Jones's name stink through London on that (Jones was made Trustee as one of my two oldest and dearest friends) there's nothing in chemistry! If the stink starts this end through our being taken to asylums or what not, the shame of it will be on you then. I have "played fair" in this, neither hurrying nor delaying.** and leaving no stone unturned to get things going.
I hope you will observe from what a perfectly impersonal standpoint I contemplate these facts. My present letter is not urge you for my sake, it is due to my amiable weakness for you all. I should like you to have the credit. The gods will have decided whether this information is to arrive in time. (See P.P.P.S.)
Just as soon as you succeed in forgetting O.P.V's complexes, you will find your thought run entirely free. You will know exactly how to handle the vindication, stink, etc. The subject itself will breed the right thing in your mind. At present these are all choked by your ego-thoughts—weeds! You start, let us say, to consider how you shall act in some detail. Very soon, something suggests to you some reflection about your complexes, and you sink back into the mire of masochism etc. I am not sure if you have quite grasped that your self-torture is you chief form of self indulgence. ("The English take their pleasure sadly")
* See P.P.P.S. ** See "The Shaving of Shagpat" 'No delaying in Aklis' and 'No [illegible] in Aklis'.
P.S. Feilding [Everard Feilding] is a barrister and could presumably ask the Courts to remove Jones from the Trusteeship on the ground tat he had maliciously allowed the beneficiary to starve. He would doubtless require affidavits which we could supply, i.e. if relieved temporarily while the process is cooking up. Leah [Leah Hirsig] had to walk several miles this morning lack of the seven sous for the Metro. Another day we shall probably both be too weak to go anywhere.
P.P.S. I enclose a précis of my relations with Jones. If copies of this reach the proper quarters† Jones will be forced to resign.
P.P.P.S. 5.45 P.M. Lucky young man! The gods seem determined to give you another chance. I staggered out, borrowed 30 francs, 8 cigarettes, paid back 10 fr[ancs] (urgent) and arranged to feed on credit till Mon[day] next. Should give you time to force Jones directly or indirectly to send me enough money to pay this hotel and carry on pending a proper settlement. Note that had he sent £50 when you first asked for relief it would have realized 6000 fr, paid B[oucier]'s then bill and got me to the country for 2 months. Saving that period of sickness and starvation. Further B[ourcier] was willing to accept 3000 fr[ancs] cash and the balance in notes June 16, July 16 and Aug. 16. Goirand has a thousand francs in hand and (tho' very sympathetic) cannot pay me a sou without Jones's authorization. If J[ones] will authorize Goirand to pay me the balance (1000 odd) and the £25 received to-day to make up the Bourcier balance (£60 sent originally) that will enable me to clear up everything immediately urgent and allow me at least 1 months' rest in the country, giving me time to make new contacts to replace those broken by Collins [publisher].
As to Collins, the best way may be to ask for the dispute to be settled by arbitration as provided for in the contract. We should supply evidence that he deliberately sabotaged the sale of the D.F. [The Diary of a Drug Fiend].
As to Hag [The Confessions of Aleister Crowley]—I must have without delay a complete synopsis page by page of the work as it stands. I dictated most of this at La Marsa and Tunis. You were supposed to have finished it long ago. Don't delay by trying to make up your arrears, let me have a copy at once as it stands, or as much as you can get ready in time to reach me without fail at noon on Sat[urday].
Remember: on Monday next I must pay 140 francs (2 weeks hotel) and 260 at least for food from now till then.
† Chemical Society, Institute of Chemistry, his partner, any of his clients (over) etc. Don't be afraid of uttering a convivial libel—and don't assume that I am attacking Jones in the ordinary sense of the word. I have my [illegible] duty to him too.—AL—38, III—17—III 42.
We have now daily evidence that the Gods are overseeing our affairs in the minutest detail. E.g. One misses an important appointment, finds 2 hours later that it would have been a mistake. "Unassuaged of purpose ———" Go ahead blindly, the Gods will see to it that your failures no less than your successes are necessary steps on the path to the climax. I suspect the appearance of the R.M. [Rich Man from the West] depends on our reaching a certain state of mind and body. They may wish to force me to the right moral attitude or that complete helplessness and destitution is necessary to them. Anything may be the right thing. We must trust them entirely. "Go on, go on,, in my strength". Your sole requisite is action. You have no means of judging whether a given course is wise or foolish. Thinking things out is fatal. R[a] H[oor] K[huit] simply strikes, and strikes again, heedless of sounds of apparent defeat.
FINAL.
If Jones will simply telegraph M. Goirand to pay to me personally the balance he has in hand, I will settle my own affairs with Bourcier (by notes June 16 etc as already agreed to by him. I have already made important advances in the line of getting things published, and should be able, one way, or another, to meet these notes as they fall due. I shall myself protest to M. Goirand against Jones' interference in my arrangements with Bourcier. This would give me time (till June 16) to pull my affairs together and give me enough cash to live on till then. We should thus have a definite date to work towards.
666.
Sheila [Bickers]—suggestions for opening fire. Ask magistrate's advice. "Where's A.C." Sick in Paris etc (right out loud) but don't say what paper of "lies": Give S.[unday] E.[xpress] a chance: say "doubtless misinformed".
"Who are you?". Mudd M.A. etc sworn to vindicate A.C. armed with A.C. authority to act. (Get Hammond's [Benjamin Charles Hammond] Power of Attorney copied and sent to me to execute—original cost £6 (save it). If Hammond jibs, send him the "Unclean" poem!) Comment Eur. and Gen's mode of doing business—unless their manager agrees to come round to the Magistrate and state facts: acts with you, in short. (516 [Jane Wolfe] knows Sheila's California record as kleptomaniac. Write Hollywood at once for evidence). Or demand Police investigation.
Memo. 2 packets containing Bourcier's bills arrived—just in time.
No time to write lengthy essays or even short statements about the past. Better forget it for a while and live in the present for the future. You were asked to find your complexes—you've found plenty of em—now lose them. No time for any of us to have personal intrigues with others or ourselves. It's no less Ego for you to call yourself all sorts of names than to flatter yourself.
Too tired to write. I have put the brakes on. I await the message of the Gods.
31-666-31 [Leah Hirsig]
|