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Correspondence from Ninette Shumway to Leah Hirsig & Norman Mudd
[EXTRACT]
[15 October 1924]
My dear Lala [Leah Hirsig], O.P.V. [Norman Mudd] and all,
Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.
Your letter of this a.m. Lala, has filled me with shame and joy, I certainly have moped a lot about myself and the future, knowing right along that everything was in the hands of the Gods. I have fretted and kicked and felt sorry for myself, and unjustly abused. All to no avail. Things have remained very much the same. I have used my wits to their full to procure money, and have been allowed to succeed always just sufficiently for a bare living. I am awfully curious to know whether this little game would keep up if I gave up trying. In my last letter to O.P.V. I gave him a list of the things I had sold; since then I have got rid of Raoul's [Raoul Loveday] shows for 26 lire and two pairs of Beast's old shoes that Perpina [a local inhabitant] took. So far I have only got 5 lire and 3 kg of bread from her! I had the baron [Baron Carlos La Calce] up and explained and begged; he said 'domani'; after two domanis had passed, this morning having nothing I went to him and pressed my plea. 'Impossible, I can't just now.' I merely stayed there and stared at him till he went and fetched 10 lire. He was furious, the pig—and I know he won't bring me the bottle of wine I had begged of him! So we shan't have him up to dinner when we win and explode with wealth! I will send him the 75 lire that I have got out of him in these hard months. We have been kept alive and in good condition—so far. We have nothing for tomorrow but two cents and enough grub to spend the day happily. From which miraculous source will the next check come? I get 2 litres of milk a day on credit; he [the milkman] still keeps it up, the dear old soul!
The house [The Abbey of Thelema] is lovely. We have moved around for winter. I have taken the sunny Cauchemars, and have Mimi [Isabella Shumway] and Lulette next door. Howard [Howard Shumway] has the wine room. I have turned V.L.'s [Adam Murray] room into my dressing-room, while the desk remains there with 'official and business' away from little hands.
I am the prospective mother of a kicking healthy bastard who should show its sex, barring accident, during the month of March. I hope this will be a painful shock to no one, in spite of the warning I received once of not to indulge in my natural pastime; I promise to let up a bit after this one.
I have given Isabelle many a hug.
P.S. Still no postage to send this off. I have had the most horrid day of this crisis today. My spirits sink to such depths as I have never reached before. The awful stagnation and the persistency of our difficulties made me long for a change so much that I would have welcomed prison as a relief—2 nights insomnia. It seems too much of an effort even to breathe, let alone undertake any work to occupy my mind. Let me tell you that Arturo [Arturo Sabatini] and I have quarrelled so much that I threw him out of the house. He cheated me and gave me more impertinence than I could stand. I never thought I'd see him again. I was out for a walk this afternoon and found him home on my return, acting and looking 'reformed'. He had brought provisions: a bit of coffee, sugar, cheese, French bread, and kerosene. Santa Claus never was so thoughtful. God, what good these little things did me! It was a change, and my spirits bounced up like a baboon—and the boy did enjoy our delight. He looked as if he had had 6 months prison with his hollow cheeks and pale face. Out of work with a boil on his right hand, out of home which he has left completely, he had had a hard time.
Can you imagine what that coffee and French bread tasted like? Months without coffee! This insipid bread and milk had become intolerable. I drank the coffee with a reverent feeling as if it had been Ambrosia sent down by the Gods; that was exactly what it was; and with the kerosene, I am sitting up with a light till 8:30! I have been going to bed at 6 p.m. these nights!
Perhaps I am crazy Lala, but I feel happy. Surely one good thing alone never comes? And there will be news, money, perhaps visitors tomorrow? My blood is circulating again and I am breathing more freely.
Why do you stay in Paris? Could you not come here? I should like to take care of you.
Carlo said to Arturo that he was sick of my begging and was going to throw me out on January 1st. Of course he'll do any dirty trick possible.
Howard received a large box of clothes from Helen [Helen Fraux] who never writes any more. He is all right for the winter now and could go to school as far as clothes are concerned. I do not know what to do with the poor youngster.
Lulu asks why you do not come to hug and squeeze her as you used to. She likes it so much and I never do it.
She used to prattle a lot, now she never stops, and she thinks incredibly clearly. She has taken to going alone to Umbilicus [an outbuilding at the Abbey of Thelema] or to the cemetery. Jane Hera [Isabella Shumway] has a very upset stomach and a pale face, a hell of a temper, peevish at times. She goes out alone too, waddling like a duck at a snail's pace, still she goes far away and it is no joke fetching her home.
I am well aware that the new bastard is my own business, and an ugly business it looks so far. Best love to you and to all of yours when you write to London.
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