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Correspondence from Jane Wolfe to Karl Germer
1203 Inchon Avenue, C/o Sihvonen Barstow Gardens, Barstow, California
March 5, 1955
Dear Karl:
Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law!
We are perched in a new home, as you see. Once more I have changed my address—my driver's license; and we may flit once more in two or three months.
Now let me take Schlag [Oscar Schlag]. I want to put things right before Papa Germer, so I will go along, paragraph. I had it all jotted down yesterday, in nice order; but the sheet went into the discard, no doubt, when Jean [Jean Sihvonen] got busy cleaning up this a.m. At least I cannot find it. However, it was roughly as follows.
You mention Shin-Lamed-Gimel equals 333! Has this anything to do with me? I am not at home in tarot to that extent—I mean, of knowing. No; Schlag did not impress Phyllis [Phyllis Seckler] or Marcia—except that Phyllis wondered if Schlag could not be helped to the right path. I forgot to mention this trip. Marcia and Phyllis went to San Francisco during vacation time, so as to register with the State Teachers' Association. They both graduate as M.A. in June, and are therefore eligible for College work.
He told Ray [Ray Burlingame] he would like to find a Guru. Perhaps he is now looking for help from you or us? He knows some Sex Magick, of course. Did you find where he stands on the Tree? I wrote re his O.T.O. stand, and he no doubt has told you his objection to The Book of Thoth.
Now for my diary.
Feb. 13. (After receipt of yours of 10.) I invoke the Yi [I Ching] re Schlag; and receive 12, Lingam of Yoni. The great gone, the little come.
I have felt for days that I did not want to write to Schlag. I cannot accept "crossing the Abyss." Jane must know. . . . I now am responsible for my actions.
Feb 16. The result of my meeting with Schlag was stimulating. I flowed out to people; energy came to me, I was prepared to function in my field. Now everything seems blocked.
Some understanding has come. I must take hold of my moods—myself—and prove sovereignty.
Feb. 23 From August 1954, and continuing throughout Aug,. Sept., October, I was torn up by the roots. . . . Nov. 7 I moved to the desert near Barstow with Ero [Ero Sihvonen] and Jean Sihvonen, practically stripped of my possessions; and I feel like a wanderer in the Wastelands. . . .
Feb. 28 Lying awake after midnight I felt "alone, all alone on a wide wide sea."
Mar. 1 In L.A., the house guest of Hugh [Hugh Christopher] and Barbara Christopher—walking up and down the room, waiting for Paul, I was confronted with the thought: "No one can put me across the Abyss. I must be the doer. It is my responsibility, my task!" (You may recall that in the former letter I quoted Schlag thus: "You have crossed the Abyss. I helped you." So I was hasty.) So I wrote down the statement: "I shall accept every phenomenon whatsoever as a personal dealing of God with my Soul. So Mote it Be!" I felt at the time Schlag forced this Oath upon me.
I do not know, of course, whether this Oath applies to Women; for Women the Mystic (?) goes up the Middle Pillar. But as I see it an Oath must not be taken, to maintain sovereignty.
Mar. 4 Returning to Barstow. Between San Bernardino and Cajon Pass, near 3 o'c p.m. the Stephen Foster song "Beautiful Dreamer" kept humming through me. Then there permeated me what I called "The Ache of Man." About an hour later—on a milder way—there came an understanding of Man's bestowal of money to/on Woman. There was feeling with these two experiences—especially the first. Some time ago I heard the Wail of Woman (Women?) but there was no feeling. All this seems strange.
Phyllis tells me Neptune has entered my orbit (?) This is cause for happiness, but it is some of the above of the dangerous side of Neptune?
By the way, I burned Schlag's card with his address. He asked me to write him.
I hope this does not bore you too much. Writing it out to some one brings it to the surface, where it no longer troubles me. As my mentioning once more Fiat Yod [Jane Wolfe's magical motto]. That can now be laid aside.
Love is the law, love under will.
Love to you,
Jane
PP.S. Waking slowly from sleep this a.m. came "Do nothing. Wait for the Lord."
DO my rituals, and a few other things. Pranayama, etc.
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