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Correspondence from Jean Sihvonen to Grady McMurtry
[EXTRACT]
[18 May 1958]
So—Another phase of my life is over. How simple it is to get a divorce [from Ero Sihvonen]—and how expensive!
She [Reea Leffingwell] was very interested in what you say. I think you would do very well as a combination leader and fry cook. I really had a laugh from that comment.
I had forgotten your first marriage. You were handed a rough deal very early in the game, life after that is also explainable.
[Regarding Agape Lodge] The popular phrase was 'do as you damn please'—that was their interpretation of 'Do what thou wilt.' Such qualities as honesty and integrity were never mentioned nor was any sense of obligation to a brother or sister, or true brotherly love instilled. I believe I mentioned before, that I left Christianity because I could not find the answers to many things. I wanted to be free, to be rid of fear, guilt and all of the old taboos. However, I found just as much of the same thing in some of the people who claimed to be expressing the Law of Thelema. I believed in much that I read, but definitely not what I saw being expressed. I certainly didn't agree with the promiscuity and the school of thought that a woman is only to be used. No thinking individual wants to be used. I believe most women will contribute and cooperate if they are treated as individuals and not just a mechanical outlet for another's purpose. Perhaps your first wife did what she did in the beginning because she thought it was expected of her and that by so doing she was being a good Thelemite. I know others thought the same, and I was caught up in it too, to a certain extent. . . . 'There is no bond that can unite the divided but love'—yet, what is love? And to what end was all this license taken? And does the end justify the means? I would say too many have been hurt for selfish reasons and in all honesty there was no real goal ever involved. I believe that many who were 'used' had far more understanding and greater spiritual development than many of the 'users'. Some were trying to be A.C.'s without having A.C.'s knowledge or background. There is a beauty to be obtained in the Supreme Ritual that few know about. From what I have heard of Winona and what I saw at 1003, and which also seems to be Karl's [Karl Germer] point of view, sexual relationship was on a very low level"
You speak of bringing meaning and significance back to the individual. The general thinking up to the present time has been that the individual should lose himself in the organization. Fine! But what organization, and to what end? Why can't an individual remain one in an organization if the aims of the organization are as outlined in the Blue Equinox [Equinox Vol. III, No. 1]? Psychiatrist recommend to unbalanced individuals that they lose themselves in a cause. No doubt it is good therapy. I believe it also has therapeutic value for balanced individuals, providing someone else doesn't take over and try to direct their lives. However, whenever organizations come into being, there are those in the organization who get bitten by the 'power' bug. Think of those who have gone before us and you will realize how many fell by the wayside because of this. I sincerely believe that truly enlightened individuals would not allow this to happen. Granted, there are those who need to be led and require direction, but the development of the individual should always be taken into consideration. It is so satisfying to find someone who has similar points of view.
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