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Correspondence from Marcelo Motta to Karl Germer
Caixa Postal 15, Tijuca Rio de Janeiro Guanabara, Brasil
28 January 1962
Dear Karl:
Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.
I met with Mr. Schlag [Oscar Schlag] again on the 26th and on the 27th. On the 26th he prepared a very curious series of incidents. First we had dinner together and the number of the check of our umbrellas was 22. (The number of his hotel room here was 1307.) Then, at dinner, he told me that he followed the old attributions of the Tarot, according to which 22 was his number, because he is the Fool. (Since I myself identify myself with the Fool, I thought it funny. . . . To me, 22 meant at the most that there were "two elevens" present; wither that or the number of Atus.) Then, after dinner, as we left the restaurant, he picked up a check from the floor. It had the number 365.
Schlag: You know, Mr. Motta, I was looking for this number. You know what it means, don't you? It is the number . . .
Self: Yes, I know, the number of Meithras and Christ Jesus.
Schlag: And the number of IAO and Baphomet, Mr. Motta. Now who do you think put these numbers there?
Self (very naively thinking the number referred to Self, and not to Schlag): I only know it wasn't I, Mr. Schlag.
Schlag (laughing): I know it wasn't you.
He was very happy about it until we went back to his hotel, and asked me at least twice more who had put the number there. Presently I senses he felt he had put 'one over' me in some way. We were having a few drinks and he said:
Schlag: So you see, Mr. Motta, who put that little dinner check there in our way?
Self (Intuitively): Mr. Schlag, I never told you my number was 365. I only told you my number was 666.
Schlag looked taken aback at this.
Self (Still more or less intuitively): The Christ comes from Mercury, Mr. Schlag, but I come from the Sun. I told you that last night. (I had told him it, although I was referring to an intuition I have long since about myself, and not to 666, at the time.)
Schlag looked yet more put out by this. After a pause, he said: And if I get too close to the sun, I'll get sunburn, is that it?
I shrugged this away. I had not meant to threaten him at all. The threat was in his mind, however, because, at least subconsciously, he is hostile.
We talked of other things. We mellowed to each other. I felt rather friendly towards him, myself. Eventually, I let escape that I considered myself a reincarnation of St. Germain.
He, considerably taken aback: Is that so? So do I!
(Wouldn't A.C. have roared at this!) Self, quickly: But don't you see that it is quite possible for us both to be? The parts of an Adept's self after death. . . .
But he wasn't having any. He pouted for a considerable while, and only eventually be became warm again. He asked me to describe to him how I had got in with the A∴A∴ I told him the story. Then he wanted to know who had initiated me as a Neophyte. I described—vaguely, of course—the process of my initiation to him. He listened with considerable impatience.
Schlag: But who gave you the title?
I finally perceived what he wanted. He wanted, of course, to track down Brethren of the A∴A∴ . . . I disillusioned him, poor fellow.
Self: Mr. Schlag, it is possible that at this moment, somewhere in the world somebody is going through an initiation in the A∴A∴ on the material plane. But if so, I don't know who, or where, and since I joined the Order it was never so in my case.
He asked me for your address, and I told him I would have to get your permission before I gave it to him. He seemed wounded by this, and it is my personal opinion (though I may of course be all wet!) that he really wasn't putting on an act, he can't be connected with the F.B.I. or C.I.A., because otherwise he would have your address. God knows they scan our letters enough! (My correspondence is still curiously delayed; I think rather it is being monitored at this end; Brazilians are sloppier about these things.)
I made one very bad slip that evening, and another less bad. The less bad was that I promised vaguely to show him the Task of the Neophyte, no I mean the Probationer, and the Oath. And, full of good drink and good fellowship, I told him that I am falling in love and was looking forward to seeing my girl again (I am falling in love.). He said he wished me all happiness and ASKED HER NAME and I GAVE IT! ! ! And I even added that I call her Teh! (HER NAME IS THERESA) Now, isn't that being an utter, irresponsible, drunken fool? ? ? ! ! ! Whatever reason in the world could he have to ask the girl's name, except to prepare something?
Again, on the night of the 26th, this same night I have been talking about, he asked me, apparently very seriously, what I advised him to do.
Self: My advice is the same I gave you last time. I advise you to go to Karl Germer and submit completely to him. But remember that he will know if you are not sincere, and what is worse, you will know. We are always the last judges and executioners on ourselves, Mr. Schlag.
Schlag, ruefully: In short, it is unconditional surrender.
Self: Certainly.
Schlag: But why do you ask me to do this, and not something else?
Self: Because it is the one thing you are not willing to give, Mr. Schlag (here he smirked, but concealed it quickly). You must give up your spiritual pride. In my opinion, it is the only thing that is keeping you from becoming a Master of the Temple.
We ended the evening with him asking me for a copy of Liber Aleph. I told him I only had one in Brazil, mine, but would sell that to him. We made a date, tentatively, anyhow, to visit the Sugar Loaf next morning (Saturday) if it did not rain.
Arriving home, I was considerably troubled by all the happenings in the evening and specially my blissful carelessness. Schlag was undoubtedly a Black Brother and a powerful and wily one. Also, he is connected with a ring and a movement right here in this country. It was my belief that it was the 'Comendador' of the ex-Fraternity Rosicruciana Antiqua that sic-ed him on me. But he said he got my address from those Swiss O.T.O. people, as they call themselves.
Still troubled, I decided to ask Thelema for an oracle on him, and Got AL II 21, and the point of the dagger fell on the word 'pure'. I gathered that this Schlag considers himself IAO and Baphomet, and the evidence of the numbers that came up in my presence indicated to me that his number is 365. But all had been doing was saying 'I am I'; the old formula and the old number was all he had been able to achieve; he was running around in circles.
In the morning, I called him. It was raining, but I had decided to sell him my copy of Liber Aleph anyhow. I told him so, and told him to expect me.
Just a few minutes later, he called back: "Mr. Motta? Please don't forget to bring the Oath of the Probationer that you promised to let me read, and anything else you may think I need."
I said yes, and disconnected, but I was very wary. I asked myself, I know that I am supposed to expound the A∴A∴ system, that is to say, as much as I know of it; but wouldn't this be going too far? What is to stop this man from copying the Oath of the Probationer, or using it is some other way I have no idea about? Then I decided to fall back on precedent, and found that the Oath is Publication in Class D. It is very unfortunate that I have no items about the Classes; but I decided that this meant the Oath is secret, only to be shown when solicited by an applicant, and decided I would not take it. But I would take my copy of MAGICK (Book Four Part III) [Magick in Theory and Practice] to show him Liber Cheth.
I went to see him, taking also a copy of Newsweek that had an article on some holy men from India who were prophesying havoc on the early February conjunction in Capricorn—when I mentioned it, he asked very interestingly to see it, and I promised to show it to him if I could find the magazine (No, I remember now I had excused myself; but being ashamed I was not taking the Oath to show to him after promising I would, I took the magazine as a consolation prize.)
Getting there, I started to tell him that I was unable to bring the Form of the Probationer, when he cut me off, saying, "Yes, isn't it interesting? I had just talked to you on the phone when I heard a voice ask me, 'Do you really think you need that?' "
We talked for a while downstairs. He brought up the subject of 365 as the number of IAO once more, and I reminded him that it was just one of the number of IAO. Then I warned him. I told him he belonged to an ancient and respectable school (he pounced on that, and when I told him the school was Christian he denied, and said he belonged to 'a Eastern fraternity' . . .I, nut that it worked with the remainings of a rapidly exhausting energy in the aura of the world, and that within two hundred years, at the most, the twig would no longer be able to keep still. I said he would continue his kind of work, but there were people already born, and others constantly being born in Brazil, who belonged to my current; and if he ever interfered with them, I would be seriously annoyed.
He asked, apparently with concern: "But Mr. Motta, what makes you think that I would interfere with your work?"
Self, having to smile: "Mr. Schlag, you have no choice. You have no control over yourself."
Schlag: Certainly I am a master of my own conscience."
Self: "That is precisely what you aren't."
Schlag: "That's one thing I can't understand. I likes you at once Mr. Motta, because you do not seem as dogmatic as most Thelemites I have met. . . . What can I do to convince you that I do not intend to interfere with you?"
Self: "Don't interfere with me."
Schlag: "Mr. Motta, I can promise you that I will not interfere."
Self, smiling grimly: "Try not to, Mr. Schlag."
We talked a little more. He mentioned that Aleister Crowley had once looked at him in a strange way and said "I have something different in mind for you (This commenting on the fact that he had not accepted Thelema, though he told me that he accepts Do what thou wilt and Love is the law; but he equates the will with free will, the poor fool, and his idea of love has not much to do under will.) He told me that he had gone through all the exercises in the Equinox, but had contacted nothing. This interested me. I asked, "Did you ever officially become a Probationer of the A∴A∴?" He said no. I said, "That explains it to me. You cannot contact the A∴A∴ unless you do it through a regular channel, Mr. Schlag." Of course, Karl, I know that it is quite possible for an ardent and sincere aspirant to contact the A∴A∴ in the Invisible but this man is not such. He wanted simply to profane the Sanctuary, and to get without giving.
He said, "I have always considered myself a sort of Brother in abeyance, Mr. Motta."
Self: "By your own choice, Mr. Schlag."
We talked on the matter of Initiation. I had observed to him that he showed symptoms of spiritual pride, which he denied heatedly. Now, talking, I told him that Initiation is a jump in the dark (of course, only below the abyss) that we have to buy a cat in the bag, and we aren't even sure it is the right sort of cat.
He said heatedly that this is not his way. He buys nothing in the bag. He goes to a crossroad, looks for cats, and when he sees the right sort of cat pass by, he jumps on it and catches it.
I said, "That's pride, Mr. Schlag," He agreed it was.
I said smiling, "Tell me, Mr. Schlag, did you ever try to catch a lion by the tail?"
He looked at me surprisedly and said, "Yes, I did, as a matter of fact."
I asked, "When?" He said it was in the Zoo, and I asked what happened.
"Oh, the lion was old and tame, he paid no attention."
I laughed, and asked what age he was when he did it.
"Oh, about seventeen."
Then I said, "Wild beasts are very patient with foolish youths, Mr. Schlag."
And then it came to me, or I thought it did, what A.C. had in mind for him, and I laughed even harder. He asked me why I was laughing, and I said, "You are still trying to pull the lion by the tail, Mr. Schlag, after all these years and I know now what Therion had in mind for you. I doubt I will ever meet you again in the flesh, but if I do, I will tell you."
Because you see, I think this man is the Guardian of the Manuscript, despite himself—if he really has the original manuscript of AL—and I think he will be instrumental, still despite himself, in the triumph of Thelema.
He was very impressed by this display on my part, and when we were parting, he said, "Well, that was three magicians talking," and looked at me anxiously. I patted his arm and said, "In this case, Mr. Schlag, I and my Father am one. For he meant, of course, that I was 'obsessed by A.C.' And it nettled the Ego in me.
I said good bye and went out, but I met him in the street. He had come out to say good bye again, perhaps worried lest he had offended me with his last observation. But I was not offended. I was annoyed at myself for the display of Ego, though, for what if it were three magicians, and not one? For the good of Thelema, A.C. is welcome to manifest through me at any time. "In the One and the Many have I found Thee," anyhow.
But it was not a question of possession or obsession, of course, but of inspiration, anyhow.
He said he would call me before he left Brazil, to say good bye, and we parted. I don't think we will see each other again, although it is possible.
This man has been in contact with the Swiss O.T.O. I wish you had told me more about him when you mentioned him by letter. He left me his address in Switzerland, and if you wish, I will send it on to you. I sold him Liber Aleph for 666 cruzeiros—he had all but three cruzeiros upstairs, and finally finished paying downstairs, while I joked with him that he had been owing us "3" for a long time—meaning Binah, of course. I gave him Liber Cheth to read. He read it and made no comment, only smiled. I gave him the omen I had got on him and his group (AL II, 21), and told him to read with particular care Chapter 166 in Liber Aleph. That is all. He said he would.
As I told you, I like the fellow, even though he is so obviously a Black Brother that it almost hurts.
I think I have reported on this meeting completely, or at least in what had real importance.
He told me that all occult groups are moving in to Brazil now—which is something I don't like. It means only trouble and interference, and I so idiotically inexperienced. I wish to consult you on this matter. You know how unprepared I am. Should I push on with Portuguese publications now, or should I spend a year or more in retirement, developing the aura and magickal technique?
I most earnestly ask for your more experienced opinion on this. It would be useless, or at least ineffective, to start work at this time only to have it stopped or baulked later on by a horde of experienced black magicians against this one Thelemic tyro. Please let me know urgently about this, for I am tempted to withdraw completely for at least a year. I am closely watched, my post office box is monitored. Above all, I am thinking of the disagreeable possibility tat people that write me for questions or to enroll will be identified through their letters, watched, and perhaps slandered and persecuted. Furthermore, I am more than ever convinced that we need money—money and more money. Because Brazil is so full of corrupt officials that only material power can get us some privacy around here.
Please, Brother—I am asking you, Head of our Work, what you think best to do at this time, I being so inexperienced and untrained, and the enemy being as close as it is. In a year, or more, I could gather strength while they would tend, by sheer inertia, to forget me. Certainly I am almost convinced that I should have at least the IX° before I come out in the open. I should like to withdraw to the inner planes and work there, but I am afraid this is not the time nor the place—and until the Order of Thelema is established, I shall have to be a Lover, myself—at least until another Lover is prepared to take my place.
On the other hand, it might be better to go ahead at top speed, and trust to the Secret Chiefs to see us through.
Answer me early, but do not mention too openly the terms of my question. If I could see you in the Astral, this should be avoided—that is just an example of how retarded I am!
Love is the law, love under will.
Fraternally,
M.
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