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Aleister Crowley Diary Entry Tuesday, 13 September 1921
12.12 A.M. Have spent the last 3 hours with 31-666-31 [Leah Hirsig] and Eth2°, on the Opus implied in above entries.
"Never speak!" "Paganism failed because the philosophers did not make love while they were arguing; Christianity failed because the disciples did not make love while they were waiting."
I went on to discover that I had two complexes about Aimée [Aimée Gouraud]
(1) Is it really for the advantage of the Great Work that I should marry her?
(2) Am I wholly selfless?
I know I can force myself to do what I think right. Nobody can demand more. True, but the Law demands less. "It is a lie, this folly against self". I should be more "right" to marry Aimée frankly to buy myself dressing-gowns and Arab boys, not to 'establish the Law' as if to do so were "good" and my vices "bad". I failed to solve this at the time, but couldn't get drunk; the complex kept me sober. My wit came to my aid; I "moved to report progress" and decided not to mail my letter until it was consecrated, but to telegraph "Mailing important letter", thus emphasizing it, and to lunch with Leah in Cefalu and continue with the Opus in the afternoon.
12.30 A.M. Leah asleep; will imitate her.
8.40 A.M. The 'complex' looks different this morning, after much thought. The argument is of course rotary. The only thing to do is to go ahead with Enough of Because—But I want a new general symbol, based on the above experience, for the marriage.
General symbol of marriage with Aimée. [I Ching Hexagram] 51. Fire of Fire Nan. The motive power I need; alarums and excursions: avoid alarm.
"There is lots of ways of going dippy—there's lots o'ways to go, There's lots of ways o'going dippy—there's ways you ought to know. Goodbye, Trocadero; good-bye, Maxim's Bar! There's lots o'ways o'going dippy in the Chambre' Cauch'mars!"
The advice of the Yi about my 'complex' itself? [I Ching Hexagram] Earth of P[hallus] 26 Ta Khu—See Liber Aleph. One is right to take a "Work" as part of one's Will. It is absurd to worry about the business. The thing to do is to forget oneself altogether. All—Ego and No-Ego come to the same thing; the conflict is created by fretting about which is which.
Simon Iff. A man is actually seen to commit a crime by apparently impartial witnesses. He has motives, etc; but Iff says it is not in his character owing to a complex which would inhibit it. A conspiracy to do him in appears ultimately.
Heard from Townshend.
3.55 P.M. About Cocaine: I am assured, reviewing the past year's experiences, that the secret of safe and profitable use of the drug lies in limiting either the doses or the period of exhibition. The first few doses produce a genuine stimulation which is very valuable when one's opsonic index is rising. The danger arises after an hour or two, when the impulse to continue taking it becomes very strong, and one invents unnecessary work in order to have an excuse—or so it seems! This all-night work is deplorable; one drags out details with the conscientiousness of a plodding clerk. One slows up dreadfully: the stimulation fails altogether; yet one becomes sleepless, and the reaction is prolonged and unpleasant. The problem is then to exert one's will to put away the supply to order, and to allow no excuse to induce one to extend the time beyond curfew, or to take it again after an interval when one finds fatigue creeping over one before the work in hand is actually finished. I shall make a series of definite experiments on these lines.
11.0. P.M. Opus[1]
II 31-666-31 Eth2°. Op[eratio]n Admirably successful in all
respects. In reality, self-consciousness was completely
lost. No memory of details, mental or physical next A.M.
Dreamt of Rockefeller. El[ixir] Remember nothing. Obj[ect]
1—[Crowley performs a magical sexual operation.]
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