|
Aleister Crowley Diary Entry Wednesday, 15 March 1922
12.15 A.M. Took some Cocaine tonight to be brilliant at A.G's [Aimée Gouraud]. I was: but the "London partichler" is rough on the Sun.
15. Medium [dose of Heroin] to steady things.
Before dinner I wrote several letters in the New Spirit to V.O.V. and some others; also, I seized Booth-Clibborn [Arthur Booth-Clibborn] and Anna Wickham, mauling them severely. I think, despite the New Spirit, (for which they are responsible!) they are in the usual state of mixed fascination and fear. I felt the remains of my old timidity, too; I can't get the trick of issuing sharp orders: I consult people's convenience, try not to hurt their feelings, and so on—I must myself burn with the conviction that nothing matters but the Work, that my sang-froid and suavity (of which I am so proud) are as out of place as if I were leading a cavalry charge, and that their lack of blind enthusiasm is the measure of my own. I think I have killed myself pretty thoroughly all over at last; it is rare that a severed antenna twitches; but I am still aware of the "proper proportions" of things. That means: I am tolerant of inertia. I am still a gentleman, frigidly aloof from the fanatic. I invoke Aiwaz to break down my resistance, to whirl me away in the Wind of his Word, so that I rage ruthlessly through the world like a Dust-Devil in the Desert. I invoke Him to destroy my consciousness of every thing but His current; if that is the equivalent of insanity, very good: sanity has not so many charms that I should cling to the old coarse creature when the adulterous arms of my hot harlot are open, and her wet red mouth pants with passion, and her eyes glitter with evil glamour, and her belly twitches with savage spasms, while she hails me hoarsely with a voice, vividly vicious, screaming its horror round the brazen domes of hell. Yea, verily, and Amen!
I invoke Thee Aiwaz Thee mine Holy Guardian Angel Thee Satan my saviour That Thou spend all Thy seed throughout my soul That in Thy sperm my self be drenched and drowned Dissolved in Thine own essence! Let me be forged in Thy fierce furnace, A white-hot thunderbolt shaped as a Lion-Serpent, Hurled from Thy heaven-hell by Thine arm, O Thou that hast a single arm, Almighty angel of the Aeon, That I may smite upon the necks of the ungodly, That I may stamp thy seal Thelema, Within the brains and hearts of every man and woman of Earth!
I thank Thee for the intemperate woman whose words first stirred me from my sleep, for the uncertain man whose speech aroused me to this pitch of passion; these weapons of nor weight nor worth are in Thine hands invincible. Achilles is afield! Beware, old Ilium! Tremble, tall towers of Troy! Jehovah Priam, thou shalt be eaten raw. Jesus, thou skulking Paris, thy coward's stroke hath bruised my heel long since, and by that scar, since salved by Styx, I swear to set that heel upon thine head! Apollo or Apollyon, I invoke Thee! On mine head, mine, pour Thou the anointing-oil of prophet-madness! I will to be the Great Wild Beast, to devastate the world with the devouring flame of my breath—with Will, with Love!
Now, having sworn, I may sleep. And may mine Angel speak to me in sleep; may Aiwaz tear each thread of thought, tendency, temperament, training, or ought else, that hath till now bound sleeping Samson. Let me arise and slay the Philistines! The secret of my strength is safe; for in my Scarlet Woman All power is given; we wrought the Wonder-Word that makes our Will world-mighty, and what it is nor she nor I could utter if we would; nor, though we spake it, would any hear or understand. Aiwaz! Intent to invoke Thee, I withdraw to the Silence! Be the morrow memorable for the world; let Thy Word whirr at last in the ears of the world!
Op[us][1] VII P.K.[2] [in Greek] Jeanne Flamande. Energy to put over the Law.
Op[us] P K. Ditto.
Details of my initiation into A∴A∴ Booth-Clibborn in Gen Mag[ic] Record. His message is "I am unique and a conquerer" etc.
1—[Crowley performs a magical sexual operation.] 2—[P.K. equals Phallos-Kteis, i.e. Penis-Vagina.]
|