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Aleister Crowley Diary Entry Tuesday, 4 September 1923
Die Mars
2.48 a.m. I note that when I make a real
deliberate act of ‘Worship’ of Hadit for a particular
purpose, especially with the mantra ‘they shall not harm ye
at all’ any immediate bad effects of Q [Heroin] or L
[Cocaine] are quite eliminated, much to my own surprise, so
completely are the normally predictable symptoms absent. I
must develop the method in a variety of ways: imprimus, to
get rid of the difficulty of sleeping at will, as of old; of
the asthmatic attacks which nearly always begin as soon as I
compose myself to sleep at night at whatever hour (but not
in day time, Why?); & of the general nerve & lung conditions
which demand Q & L. I shall further try to consider the
karma of my Oath about Pantacle Opera as exhausted, & insist
on convenience in prosecuting the
By the way, I took a definite Oath last night that as soon as any sum exceeding £3000 comes into my hands in a lump, I will take resolute steps to learn the technique of stopping Q from the best specialist available.
4.12 a.m. Have worked hard on Atus etc. getting a very complete simplified classification of the images.
5.30 p.m. Plot of story for Simon Iff, Psychoanalyst concerns a forged document. All evidence concurs in its genuineness but the supposed writer, a reliable man, swears against his own interests that he never wrote [it]. The explanation is that he has forgotten writing it because it reminds him of something too unpleasant.
11.40 p.m. [Question] Shall we ask Blanche Conn to lend us any available spare cash for immediate necessities, to hunt round in her circle for a business partner, & to take part in our Great Work by some third means? (Sticks manipulated by Alostrael [Leah Hirsig].)
Fire/Kteis Yû [I Ching Hexagram] XVI
Pleasure, Concentration & Energetic action of Idea. Thwan. She can be useful to collect & organize sympathizers.
1. We must not give her a false idea of our situation. In other words—admit that we are broke.
2. We should emphasize the firmness of our purpose unshaken by adversity. We need foresight & should act wisely & firmly.
3. We should ask her to help & not rest contented with our present manoeuvres. We have no time to lose.
4. 666 should trust her. She should boost him & collect people to befriend him.
5. It is important to keep things going somehow, & avoid any definite crisis.
6. Blanche’s danger is her tendency to shut her eyes to her unhappiness & make the best of her life by temporary indulgences. By that I mean she tries to dull her misery by making the most of the small pleasures of life. She must be urged to break away even if she has reached the stage where she feels that she is settled down. Early Tuesday a.m. 4 September: Other preoccupations have delayed entry. I took it into my head to discover my fundamental attitude towards death by means of an experiment with Ether. The inspiration came suddenly & I got into the necessary state of mind within a few minutes. I found myself entirely free from all interruption of thought which ordinarily disturbed meditations on death. I found myself panting eagerly. The feeling was almost identical with that of impatience to possess a new mistress with whom one is deeply in love. I kept on repeating ‘I want it, I want it, I want it’ meaning by this that I craved realization of whatever might be beyond death. At this point I was disturbed by the curiosity about the possible Qabalistic value of the phrase ‘I want it’. ‘If it turns out to add up to something interesting’, I thought, ‘it will be very annoying, because such commonplace words cannot have been intentionally devised to correspond.’ I was now quite returned to normal consciousness & proceeded to investigate the matter: see infra.
I do not mean to imply that my previous consciousness was abnormal in the Samadhic sense. I was in full possession of my ordinary faculties. The only unusual feature was that the intensity of my passion completely over rode the familiar reflections which might have inhibited my will.
‘I want it!’ Fαυτ ’ιτ, 6 + 1 + 50 + 300 = 357 (+ 10 + 300 = 310) 357 + 310 = 667 = ἠ xοxxιυαγυυε). The Scarlet Woman, the Supreme Object of Will, of ‘love under will’. The ‘it’ is an excresence & to be neglected. Fυτ ιτ = 666, ignoring the ‘a’ [α]. 667 = z’υsebein, to worship.
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(note in any case, numerous symptoms of improvement: success
seems coming my way, in the natural course of events).