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Aleister Crowley Diary Entry Tuesday, 25 September 1923
Die Mars
Hail unto Kheph Ra!
1.36 a.m. Alostrael [Leah Hirsig] must be very carefully tended. I feel that we ought to live in Switzerland—for quite a lot of reasons—or perhaps in Dauphine—mountain air, anyhow and I think she would pick up. There's not a thing wrong with her, medically: the strain & worry are telling on her, no doubt, & their removal would cure her.
2.50 a.m. Have been trying tediously to compose a Complaint.
Idea: Tet[ragrammaton] told Satan not to touch Job's life. 'Cunning devil! not to take his wife!' as the poet says—who? I recite this & say to the Gods: You have let Jesus take everything I had, bar Leah. Well, if you let him take her, it's letting him touch my life. (I don't say I'll break my Oath if you do, but its against the Rules.)
[Notes on opposite page:]
Blanche Conn: wire Lea's [Leah Hirsig] health critical.
Anatole France & Zangwell for literature.
Here follows two pages of scored out poetry, along the lines of the Job theme).
No more inspiration than a Fried Whiting—yet the idea is pretty good.
2.58 a.m. I don't want to sleep or to do anything else. Life means nothing to me until I'm On The Job & working overtime with no Restriction.
Iehi Aud [Allan Bennett]! and see you to it, all, whoever you may be, that you don't wander across the track. It would be 'bad for the coo'!—Not my Khu, but your Cue!!!
3.09 a.m. Particularly amusing about this Sorel. Having seen my passport, he is literally bursting with the pride of knowing that I was christened 'Alexander'—and must blurt it out to every one he meets. He really shews only his ignorance, in not knowing that I have been 'Aleister' on my title-pages since 1898, & am known to millions as such. Raynes showed similar smallness; Secret Service fans whisper the horrid secret under their breath behind locked double doors!
3.26 a.m. (Not to invoke IHShVH!) This 'crisis' is teaching me very recondite Arcana—to an imbecile of 5 years old! E.g. 'I find I can't do my best work when the conditions are unsettled'------!—! 'Perdurabo!' I have often noticed how a motto fulfils its prophecy 9 times in 10—sometimes in a joking spirit, as Bickers [Horace Sheridan-Bickers] 'Superabo'. 'I shall become a "super" ' & Neuburg [Victor B. Neuburg] 'Omnia Vincam' did conquer Pan: but as 'Lampada Tradam'—"I shall betray the light'—did so. Then Fuller [J.F.C. Fuller], 'Per Ardua ad Astra'-'How hardly shall a rich man enter etc!' and 'Non sine fulmine'-'Nothing short of a stroke of Lightning will initiate him.'
So too I have endured as few even of Us have been called upon to endure. I hope T.M.Θ. doesn't mean I'm booked for a Nebuchadnezzar act! At any rate, I've had to live like a G.W.B. [Great White Brother] for a long while now! Would it work, I wonder to take a new motto for Ipsissimus, say, 'Young King Cole' or 'Benedictus Billionarius'!?
(S.R.M.D. [MacGregor Mathers] noticed this: Yeats [W.B. Yeats]—'Daemon est Deus Inversus'—& a demoniac arse-up'pards god he was. G.C. Jone [George Cecil Jones]: 'Volo Noscere'—got lost in the Abyss. J.L. Baker [Julian Baker] 'Causa Scientiae' fell into the pit of Because, & p.[iss] with the d.[ogs] of r.[eason] ! Also—did technical chemistry. Westcott [William Westcott] 'Non Omnis Moriar' failed to die wholly, & so to live really. Mrs. Mathers [Moina Mathers]—'Vestigia Nulla Retrorsum' had to walk the streets. Himself, too, 'Deo Duce Comite Ferro' [MacGregor Mathers] was led by the God Silenus & was accompanied by iron of hardship.)
Nobody think I am complaining! In all I have had to endure, I have found Wisdom & Joy-on with the revel!
4.0 a.m. I sent O.P.V. [Norman Mudd] twice yesterday to pawn my last few valuables and twice he failed, in a.m. too late, in p.m. that department not open. Can it be that- - - - - -
P.S. They want to see the Smash, & put things straight a day or so later, I suspect.
5.6 a.m. Have been med[itatin]g on use of 9º = 2o powers. 93 = λογος &c. I have then given orders:
5.30 I am glad I went on! a great Mystery revealed. Dictated (earlier) story of Kennedy [Leon Engers Kennedy] and 'I will not m[asturbate].' Thought of this & saw suddenly—with a bitter curse on my 'shallow wit!—the point of it all. K. masturbated automatically so it really helped him to remind himself not to do it. Most 'sin' is of this type—even in adults, I suspect. Few are conscious, all the time, of 'free' will. (I digressed: what of A.C.'s 'sins'?—I was thinking of [Heroin] & [Cocaine] &c taken with full knowledge & consent—though I tend to slip into automatism). I said: Yes; let me die! but my God, I'll do something first! (Note Liber 333 The Excreta of A.C. I reject my masterpieces, & press on.) By this I knew how deeply I love life—I live only to help it along!) The Word of Sin is Restriction—to True Will: i.e. to proper growth. How then deal with Sin? The Kennedys must be made aware of its nature, trained to watch their machines (Liber III the best practice in all the A∴A∴ repertory!) shown how to guide their actions in their own interests. Punishment for unconscious or semi-conscious acts is stupid, unless self-inflicted on one's own discovery of the false tendency. Thus, Dionysus' [Hansi Hammond] stealing. He must do it knowingly & learn that it will hurt him in the end, & cure himself.
1. Self-psychoanalysis is the root of all moral training. No willcontrolled act must be left to the Unconscious.
2. The effect of each willed act on the general welfare must be demonstrated, e.g. Stealing is risky [because] of environment of Law, just as careless climbing is [because] of Law of Grav[itatio]n & properties of body.
3. Self control must be taught systematically, as the Way to Success in Life. Knowledge, alertness, & self-mastery are the 3 virtues (Courage & Truth essential in all three).
Note that some passions produce a state of automatism in order to escape control of conscious will. E.g. Naish's Dr. pal, who got permission, & had to get a woman at once. He couldn't refrain, not that his Will was weak, but that he lost clear consciousness as the attack proceeded.
Children must be warned from the first of this danger. They must be trained to fear automatism, which makes Will null. (Lulu's 'bumping' sent by Chiefs to teach me this?) Bad habits can be broken only in this way.
Per contra, to form good habits liberates Will-power to attend to other matters. But this driving down of acts into the Subconscious must be reasoned, & care taken that the rule is always right. E.g. a habit of regular hours might be a bar to 1st-rate work: I myself scold myself for working late &c., i.e. I fear; & the Will falters.
Children must be taught to watch small muscular movements & then to control them, with this clearly stated (& explained) object constantly in view; not 'because I tell you to' or 'because it is Right' or even 'in order to get the best results in the work in hand'.
Any 'fault' must be proved painful, by demonstrating logically what it leads to—an artificial dramatization of its Karma, separate from all other threads of life & fructified at once.
E.g. watch D[ionysus] [Hansi] till you catch him stealing. Make a fuss at once; 'well, I can't cook your food till I find my knife', find him out in his presence, showing how your mind works to detect him. Then disgrace him, wallop him, & deprive him of liberty, telling him about prison life. Make sure that he understands that theft inevitably makes trouble for him.
[Marginal note:] Above all, steal all he has, that he may feel (a) the nuisance of loss (b) the anxiety of watching lest something disappear.
Then note how far he knows what he
is doing at the time of the theft; if at all automatic,
train his hands to warn him of suspicious movements. If
Bring all automatic gestures of the controllable type up into full consciousness, however harmless they seem: in fact, the more trifling the more useful the lesson.
Train his attention by making him watch monotonous movements of no interest, & react at once to each slight change. Punish inattention directly, saying: one day you may let your wits go wool-gathering, & fall & hurt yourself or pick up a red-hot coal &c. Persist till he is really tired, & encourage him to resist yielding to fatigue.
Cross-examine him about any automatisms. 1. Prove to him that he does them. 2. Make him think out why he does them. 3. Make him see what they lead to. 4. Make him judge their usefulness or reverse to him. 5. Make him learn to spot & stop the harmful or useless kind.
All this must be parallel with analysis, judgment, & control of all purposeful acts.
1. Make him recite every night the main events of the day.
2. Ask about these: why did you eat, go to market, bring water, learn poetry, go swimming, &c.
3. Make him see that, beyond the immediate result of each act, there is a remote consequence.
4. Show him how all his acts work together for a general purpose far off purpose.
5. Teach him to keep this purpose always in mind, & to choose his acts by reference to it.
6. Impress on him that silly & aimless & unconscious acts may spoil the effect of the rest. Show how one folly can ruin many wise plans, as by carelessly dropping a cup, he misses his tea, had to buy a new one (instead the toy he intended) & go to the town to do so instead of playing as he wanted &c. (All these in actual life, of course).
7. Show how one act may be made to help another. E.g. he brings water & lights fire: hence Ninette has time to make him a new coat; also, he gets tired & eats & sleeps better. Or, he learns to write, so he need not go to see Giosue to ask for a soldes, but get it sent.
8. Show use of memory & attention. E.g. for 3 or 4 days have nothing ready for him when he wants it: say 'Oh, I forgot'. When you see his attention wander, snatch his food away (if at meals) trip him over a stick (if out walking) &c. Also he forgets, arrange for the natural consequence to be memorable indeed (by exaggeration &c.) And pretend to be distracted yourself to his annoyance. e.g. let soap get into his eyes when washing his face & say 'oh, I wasn't paying attention'.
9. Don't mix up these practices. Take one virtue & its corresponding fault & hammer it home for 3 or 4 days-till he gets a pain, in fact! Then switch to another, & so on; repeating lessons ill-learnt till he is perfect.
10. Watch him for silly, idle, aimless acts, especially those due to boredom. Analyse such away, as above. Stop slacking. When he loafs about dull & mopish, give him the choice between starting some definite work or play and going to bed for 12 hours. (Bed means low diet.)
11. Beware of assuming any act, however apparently senseless or even mischievous, to be so: meditate earnestly upon the relation of each act (willed or automatic) to his general character. Look for its real meaning under the symbolic mask: it may throw full light on his True Will, be a token of his genius.
E.g. Persistent killing of animals & then pulling them apart, may mean not Sadism, but a natural gift for physiology &c.—an eager curiosity about the mechanism of life.
Again, 'making faces' unconsciously might show a genius for psychology—automatic attempt to match his features with his thoughts.
Or, long-continued rhythmical movements of the limbs while sitting quiet & abstracted, might indicate musical or poetic genius.
Any such symptoms should be analysed as usual; if worth anything they will not disappear but become more definite. Avoid serious attempts to suppress them; but pretend to wish to stop them. If valid, this will excite passionate resentment, as a rule. He should then be encouraged to understand them, in order to develop them intelligently. Do not accept his own first explanation of his motive; he is probably lying in order to protect them.
(Note well that pointless lies are often justifiable on some such ground, they should prove valuable hints about the True Will, whose chastity, dignity, & preciousness devises such defences.)
12. Never fail in absolute Respect for Him & His Will; your function is to serve Him, by whatever method you use. Convince him of this, that he may love & trust you-and cooperate willingly. Foster his Self-respect, while ridiculing his conceit & vanity: make him see that his faults are insults to Himself, and invite injuries from others later on. Show him that impulses not organically built into his being to serve his Self, are rebels who will one day annoy, weaken, & perhaps dethrone him.
13. Insist on whole-heartedness in all acts. He must eat at meals, never between them; at meals do nothing but eat. So for sleep, play, work, & all. Punish distraction by stopping the business in hand: if he plays the fool at meals, take him from the table. If in bed, 'All right! you get up & go for an hour's walk' &c.
When task is naturally distasteful, stop it, but make him sit still till he asks to begin again (not under 10 minutes, though!) & so on, not quitting till the quota appointed is done.
14. Cowardice must be cured in the earliest years by demonstrations that it results in making things worse. E.g. fear of water—forcible ducking (& burning to show that to run from one thing is to run into another) till he voluntarily faces the fear. Cruel as it Sounds, you must make sure that he suffers more than he originally feared. Instantly, on his showing courage, stop the pain, & comfort him.
15. Untruthfulness must also be cured early.
Show him that truth is essential to his happiness in matters like sensual impressions & motor impulse. E.g. exp[erimenlts where he is deceived in various physical ways & so balked of his will.
Arrange to annoy him by believing his lie: e.g. he denies breaking a cup 'Good; it's not broken: drink from it' or 'I didn't steal that cake'—'You don't like cake-the more for the rest of us.'
'These women cut my kling klang off'—'You must stay indoors for a week—they might cut your head off, &c.'
Tell lies to him (during stated periods following one of his) so as to cause him all possible pain & trouble. Show him how one lie leads to others-& then to worse things yet.
16. Cruelty. Inflict equal pain on him (as near as you can judge) & ask 'Was the pleasure of giving it worth the pain of suffering it?'
Show how it prevents his getting love &c. from his victim, provokes hate & revenge, makes him fear.
17. Malice. See 16 but show wider scope.
18. Idleness. Show how it grows on one: send him to bed, & get bored to death. 'If you allow idleness to grow you'll be in bed all your life.'
19. Envy. An insult to his own Soul. He can never be whom he envies: so the pain is incurable, must grow worse if not stopped. Shew him the defects & sorrows of the envied, & the possibilities of joy & pride in himself, instead through yielding to envy.
20. Vanity. Make it ridiculous (a) by direct attack (b) by mimicry & taking it seriously.
Shew that it blasphemes true pride in the True Self Inflict pain by wounding it; & show true pride immune to hurt.
21. Recklessness. Experience soon cures this as a rule; if not, arrange situations needing constant care & caution, with disasters very annoying, but not too dangerous. (Alertness helps to cure this.)
22. Obstinacy. Beat him at his own game: let him see you enjoy yourself while he suffers. Don't hurry him! When he yields, put him off'.
23. Sulkiness Be especially cheerful: as soon as he comes round, pretend to sulk, imitating his style. Time his sulk & make yours double as long. (General principle, often applicable.)
24. Shyness (usually due to wrong training) when natural, is partly pride, partly fear; as a rule.
Free pride from fear as in Sect. 12 etc.
Arrange artificial embarrassments to show absurdity of the emotion in extreme cases: by laughing at himself he will gain confidence.
25. Obtrusiveness. A symptom of dependence on others. Cure by teaching him self-reliance & self-absorption, not by driving him away as a pest.
26. Disobedience, insubordination, &c. Respect these as tokens of masterfulness; but show him that he is himself the real source of the Rules, they being made to serve his Will. Arrange that his act shall lead necessarily to some disorder by which he suffers directly.
27. Ill-temper. Due either to ill health or bad training, as a rule. Mimic him (as per usual formula) & let his outbursts cause some disappointment or annoyance, visibly its issue. 'You've made me forget to buy that candy' &c.
28. Bad manners. 'You're fit to mix only with servants'-put him on menial & humiliating work.
29. Impatience & lack of perseverance. Show how postponement, abandonment &c of tasks makes them harder in the end.
Several technical methods of development are available. Show pain of impotence; hence, when you cannot hasten events, better forget them in other work.
30. Sexual precocities must be analysed carefully. They are always innocent in themselves, & always valuable indications of True Self & Will. They never mean what they would in an adult. They must be cured (when desirable) by removing the cause, by instilling full & clear knowledge of the facts of sex, & by making the child determine to control them as hurtful to itself.
31. In all matters doubtful, The Book of the Law is the absolute guide of right conduct.
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