A.M.

5:45

Try Yoga. Unable.

15’ Pranayama.

^[1]

At Abbey all morning, discussing funds. How much better in the essential matters of life to be absolutely straightforward, frank, simple? Suppose it does cost an effort? Is not all life an effort, and must not an occultist face everything?

I saw Fuller [J.F.C. Fuller] pictured in “Star in the West”. The face startled me, and I am curious. Have I known him before? Should like to meet him. A “female soul in a masculine body”.^[2]

Cabled M.K.W. [Mary K. Wolfe]

P.M.

Letter to Marion Marshall re funds.

Some generalizations, in an attempt to understand myself, for I have never confronted me. I feel and I don’t feel. Somehow I managed a long time ago to bottle up, to chain in the cellar, or to muzzle, that part of me that feels, and have lived—where? I don’t really know.

I have had a talk with Genesthai [C. F. Russell] regarding the Tree of Life and I said “Good God!”

As for the reason, I shall “hold back” as Lea [Leah Hirsig] said I did. Thoughts are things, the fewer the better. Some day I shall add a P.S. to this entry.

Test entry.

For a long time I have felt Shummy [Ninette Shumway] will always be in my present life—if not in immediate personal contact, at least by post or other means. I shall always know her whereabouts.

Genesthai once my son, and shall be again.

4:55

Have just realized that once I yielded myself completely. My terror in May, 1918, when after many efforts attempting catalepsy, I collapsed, gave up all, and said: “I am afraid”.