A.M.

12:50

^[1]

I wake and the following thoughts occur to me.

Are we a Community, each contributing to the support of that Community; be it great or small, in labour or what, does not affect the question. Are we joint owners? If so, technically, is A.C. entitled to exclude anyone from the Abbey, say, in case anyone should desire to go there—except during a Cefalidian [sic] Working, for example? Is he entitled to set apart anything purchased with common funds for his own consumption, denying others?—Liquers, wines, etc., meaningless to me, I believe, than anyone else here I can raise this question.^[2]

It might be well to face and settle, for future occasion—I should like to know at present—if this is:

An autocratic institution?

An A.A. organization and autocratic?

An A.C. organization and autocratic?

A Community?

Also, as yielding up our all, in the case of dismissal who pays transportation expenses, etc. Or, should each one here protect himself by withholding sufficient to carry him to a place of safety, should occasion arise?

"Tristam Shandy" till I sleep.

(P.S. Which was 3)

6:25

"Body immortal as well as the soul." Why not? Can matter be destroyed?

By the bye. Nietzsche says "obedience humiliates".

10.25

Again I try Yoga. I knew I needed a rest, but it must be two weeks since I stopped!

Well, I abide.

Meantime, I am attempting a study of myself. Of course, I have recognized from the beginning A.C. antagonized me—I antagonize him—the dislike is mutual. With an ocean between, it is different on my part. From one angle this is corking, an extremely wise arrangement. So, for the present, let it rest there.

I can pay both a compliment: strong—I almost said violent—natures are always offensive in some way. Though, as I understand mine is to be a public ministry, not the seclusion of an Abbey, say, it may be incumbent upon me at least to disguise the harshness.

In California none of this came up. The Ministry of Beauty, beauty of thought, beauty of action, beauty of surroundings, personal appearance and daily life, was a live thing with me. It was my rule of life, a rule which never proved irksome, never difficult. Here the reverse is the case. I want to be hateful, I want to irritate.

A good thing, too, when understood. Amen,

P.M.

A long walk up the hill, alone. Return and read aloud to Russell [C. F. Russell] and Shummy [Ninette Shumway] "Androcles and the Lion." Always good for a laugh.