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Jane Wolfe Diary Entry circa Fall/Winter 1938
Again came the emotional strain among the females this Fall. I am over my mood, Mary K. [Mary K. Wolfe] still wants to get out, while Regina [Regina Kahl] gives me the feeling of having at last swung Wilfred [Wilfred Talbot Smith] to her wants and desires. She is hammering, hammering for a little theatre, and is determined to use all of us, including Wilfred and O.T.O., to put over her scheme. So far without success—so far as a suitable place is concerned. But all the talk of this house, all the creative effort of W. [Wilfred Talbot Smith] and R. [Regina Kahl], is directed toward a little theatre.
The house has been in an uproar for days, people streaming in and out, rehearsing in the living room and temple, painting in the dining room, building sets in the yard. Eating at all hours, confusion and shouting! Tomorrow, the hub-bub of bringing furniture, dishes, draperies, etc., taken from the house for use on the stage.
Upstairs tonight (the Mass [Gnostic Mass]) I am impressed to perform once more "Liber Samech." I used this Ritual in Cefalu, first performing the Banishing Ritual, then going on my knees before a stool, on which was placed a copy of the Ritual. I intoned the words only, with slight body rhythms. Certain things took place, among others the appearance of a figure in a white robe heavily encrusted with gold trimming from the hem upwards to about the knees, sleeves ditto, and a brilliant blue material on each shoulder—just a small piece showed. The face I could not see. 666 said it was Myself and would have blasted me out of my mind had I beheld the face.
I have not taken an oath for the length of time for performing the Ritual, nor that I shall do this rigorously every night. For years I have felt under a pressure that I must, must, must. A feeling of guilt—or at least something wrong if I relaxed and did naught but exist.—I miss much by this habit of mine—not seeing things until they have passed by.
Jimmie and Paul Seckler have both got jobs with the May Co., wrapping packages for the Xmas trade. And are they happy to be making money. Jimmie owes Wilfred some seventy or eighty dollars. Phyllis [Phyllis Seckler] is 3 months pregnant and will have to leave her job shortly—$100. a month. So it will be up to Paul. Paul works like a Trojan here on set-building, theatricals, etc., but detests commercial activities, and was kept by mama for a long time. He and Phyllis make a good pair, and there is good understanding between ' them - and freedom! So unusual with wives and husbands!
Oddly enough I always had faith in Paul from a magical point; that is, that he had the making of a magician. Neither Regina nor Smith could see this. While they were all for Lu, whom I could never see as a magician. Lu is predominantly a homo—Paul is bi-sexual. Lu lives with "fairies" all the time, adopts their manners, lingo, etc . Lu's father was a minister and he has a decided devotional strain. Paul is a free-lance, with a sense of humor and a sadistic strain.
Young Parsons [Jack Parsons] was here tonight to talk with Wilfred. Mary K., coming down the stairs and seeing him in Wilfred's room, automatically thought: "The next priest." One of Jack Parson's friends, had brought him to the Mass early that December and he had immediately felt a kinship with Thelema.
Parsons is a chemist, married, and is attending Cal Tech. He is definitely interested in the occult and "sane" about it, Smith says. He has a much better mind than his friend.
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