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Jane Wolfe Diary Entry circa March 1942
I ask myself this morning if we can continue together after all this cheapening of personalities, fault-finding, bickering, irritability, etc. It is so horribly degrading.
Ever and anon these utopian dreams throughout the centuries are never able to survive. Perhaps I lack faith in Thelema? I see a finer, nobler people but no more able to stand daily wear and tear, if thrown too much together. Separate homes at night and separate evening meals for the most part——would this solve the problem? As I did when in the Picture Studios. It was stimulating and satisfying to be with the people during the day, but O the restful release of my own house, my own meal—with friends or alone. This horrible daily grind of communal eating. Yet my 6 months communal meals at Tunis were more delightful than otherwise. All a matter of personalities? I observe it is harder on Mary K. [Mary K. Wolfe] and myself than the others.
Living in this house I have seen for the first time the politics played, the scheming, the subtleties used to gain and keep power. A part of the "keen" of AL? The Law of the Battle of Conquest? The "knife-like thrust" of D. H. Lawrence?
It means battling to keep keen, alive, alert; but one must live solely for the joy of the going, ready to yield life, etc., at any moment, if and when beaten? But, meantime, to keep on fighting along all lines. Wilfred [Wilfred Talbot Smith] has to scheme to put over the Order, to gain the Valley, and so on; and if he shows garments a bit dusty at the hem, well———these things have to go on and he is the only available person. And, after all, people are human beings. Maybe the angels themselves are tricky—"these vices are my service."
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