Correspondence from George MacNie Cowie to Aleister Crowley

 

     

 

14 Glenisla Gardens, Edinburgh.

 

 

2 Jan. [1917]

 

 

Care Frater.

 

Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.

 

The new year began well with a pleasant letter from E.M. [Eustace Miles] which I enclose. I was going to spend Tuesday in bed to try to rest myself, and get rid of thoughts and worries for a day at least, Something cheering for once was needed, and that and another unexpected and pleasant message (from a cousin whom I thought had disowned me) relieved the blues a bit.

     

Things have never seemed quite so blue before. I'm afraid there's something wrong with me and I'm wondering if it is 'smoker's heart'. The prospect of being a deader is not at all cheerless, this being an uncommonly fine world to get out of, but worse is the dread of breaking down. I wish you were back, or that some brighter prospect were ahead.

     

It is no news to you that I am an Ass. I've been so again. I was quite wrong in supposing that S.L. [William Steff-Langston] had written you without informing me. I had really good reason for inferring that he had just lately but as the information proved worthless, it's quite likely that a lot more is, and that I have been doing him gross injustice in my thoughts and in writing what I did in my last to you.

     

It is good that you are so optimistic about the near future and I hope you will strike 'ile enough for your own comfort. I'm in a real quandary about sending money as you will see infra, unless out of my own pocket in pure friendship and at this moment I haven't a Nairne [bank note].

     

The trouble with B. [Boleskine] is that it implies an additional charge of nominally £9 a year (At first I took it to mean £18, such are my arithmetical faculties: and was dismayed). I had no knowledge that there was a time limit to the mortgage, there is nothing for it but to agree to the extra 1 per cent as the people are quite right and can not only get 5 per cent but be doing a patriotic action as well. It's a thorn in my side that I can't do the same action myself, it makes one feel so mean. It's useless to expect anyone else to take over the mortgage, and if the present holders refuse even at 5 p[er] c[ent], there will be nothing for it but to take Mrs B[rooks]'s offer [to purchase Boleskine for £2000] and when the mortages are both paid off I leave it to your arithmetical faculties to say how many hundreds will be left.

     

(By the way I hope you have kept the Rider Debenture safe as its redeemable next year).

     

All seems going well in London. I don't fancy however that M. [Mary Davies] and S.L. pull together—I have kept my head and write as cheerfully as I possibly can. I am glad of your remarks as to the Lodge Master's powers etc. I understand that Miss O, a Mrs Hadden, and the great Victoria [Vittoria Cremers] have been hovering about 93 [Regent Street]. Miss O will be no use if she's chumming with V Cremers. S.L. thinks that they are running some sort of Lodge together of their own.

     

Your reply to Windram [James Windram] is just right, but I don't want to get Bro[ther] B[raithwaite]—who has just returned—into hot water. At most we should say that a chance question of his to me raised a doubt as to whether the S[outh] A[frican] Brethren were taught on the proper lines, as he didn't know who NUIT was. I'll be careful in writing as I've had many lessons lately that stainless silence is the best thing going. W[indram]'s letter does seem elusive and there is no indication that any money will come.

     

I must try to tell you plainly about 112. The balance claimable by me on the half year's working amounted to less than £4. The membership is not large enough yet to guarantee the working expenses, and I had no choice but to waive the balance as a grant. It is hopeless to expect anything even if the income were good, as if it is found that anything is being sent to the G[rand] M[aster] the L[odge] will be closed down and serious trouble follow.[1] I must therefore be in a position to show that not one penny of the funds has been taken by me. I won't run the risk of getting these innocent people into hot water, nor I am sure would you wish it.

     

I have confidence in your ultimate clearing up of misunderstandings. But I do wish you were back and all serene—and that somebody else was G[rand] T[reasurer] G[eneral]. I've only endured that accursed job because there was no one else, I hoped Keaseby was going to be. What's become of H. Stuart Something? Another eluder?

     

The P[ost] M[aster] G[eneral] will take no notice of a request to re-address letters, unless signed by yourself. We don't know what may have gone to 33 [Avenue Studios], possibly cheques.

     

I sent that letter of Phipps re propaganda work to Mary, advising her to give it to Wolfe to be read in Lodge. It will please him, show he is not passed over and may give him hints. Mary sent me a very good account of a lecture he had given under her auspices, (propaganda) and as long as he works that way, I quite approve. I have written him this week, I don't think it wise to give him his head seeing he is in the Lodge but as long as he acts with Mary's full knowledge and approval he can't go far wrong. It would be a mistake to make a noise at present. I've a difficulty in writing as plainly as I like, and I must hope that per astral post you know how affairs stand over here. I'm glad that you seem to have got all my letters, there was a Nairne [£5 note] in one that went when I heard that you were not at Inshallah, two in all.

     

I wish to goodness and for your sake that I could write more cheerfully, but in truth I'm not in my usual health and spirits and liable to get despondent. The worry about business seems small now, almost providential in a way, as this year I sometimes wonder how I get through my more mechanical duties at all, and I feel less worried if I'm 'off' for a little. I can only get this letter done because I felt unwell and had to come home. I feel much older and not good for much in the evenings. Not keen for my old studies even—and inclined to read novels and lose myself in other peoples' troubles tho' don't see that Latin will be of much use to me, it's a sort of solace and recreation. H. [Benjamin Charles Hammond] I haven't heard from of course ('solace' reminded me of him.)

     

I am conscious that dhyana would make a new man of me and in spite of the mind being a sea of troubles, I keep on trying. To the credit side there is the Knowledge and I don't forget that that has been worth the pain, imperfect as it is yet, and that I have learnt much, through recent troubles. The difficulty is to keep the bright side well in sight. Naturally I am liable to look too much at the black side of things.

     

For the sake of Mary and myself I hope that They will provide a Funeral before very long. I've worried so much that I can't worry longer and your remarks that it is Their funeral helps stoicism.

     

I heard from B[ritish] C[olumbia] this week. I haven't managed to write S[outh] A[frica] or N[ew] S[outh] W[ales] yet, I hardly know what to say.

     

Althea [Althea Hobbs] has about £12 from sales of Equinoxes etc. I'm afraid I'll have to confiscate £5 to help to buy the typewriter, the Lodge has paid £1 monthly hire, but won't do more, and £7 would now buy it outright. I've crippled myself with £2 a month to Althea, and I don't see what I'm getting for it. No more installments of V of Silence [Voice of the Silence]. Did you get section I by the way?

     

Now I must stop, if this is to be sure to catch the mail, it now seems to take 3 weeks for a letter to cross and the long interval before an answer is often trying. Write once a week if you can, or I begin to think something is wrong. Adieu.

     

Love is the law, love under will.

 

Ever fraternally.

 

Geo M Cowie.

 

 

1—[Refers to police action as a result of Crowley's political writings. Gerald Yorke.]

 

 

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