|
Aleister Crowley Diary Entry
Monday, 18 June 1923
Die Luna
4.15 a.m. Woke about 4, oppressed breathing, heavy head, etc: asthma—or whatever it really is-got worse. I noticed the phenomenon of ‘reversed effort’. I am really pretty bad in several ways. I think I could clear up most of the trouble but for the clouding of my judgment & consequent misfit (not weakening) of my will . . .
Brooding pleasantly on A.C. as Alastor.[1] This wandering is of the essence of Liberty: the idea goes with the Law of Thelema. My psychology—Shabmodar[2] & the writing down of his name. It was 18 hours before I gathered why he refused: it was that he has never learned to write. I am indeed an acute thinker!
10.55 p.m. Back from Tunis. Notes on way. I know my Comment is wrong: its Form is wrong. The true Comment will be a work of Art.
Ask O.P.V. [Norman Mudd]:—When new nebulae form, how long does the show last? So big a bust-up—so short a time? (P.S. Done. His suggestions calm my Chittam.)
One drawback to possessing perfect technique in poetry is the liability to be contented with mere masterpieces. Goethe’s remark that a day might come when gambling would be sound business, & prudence, etc., fatal to success suggests ‘Enough of Because’, etc.
Make a list of the prophecies & tasks in CCXX in the order of statement: this might help me to decide which to do first.
Played five games of chess at [Tunis Chess] Club: won 4 easily. The 5th was a won game, but I got careless & hurried, & tried to finish it quickly by a combination which turned out badly, though I think it was sound. See below. I had to make 7 utterly rotten moves to lose![3]
1—Crowley saw himself as the Shelleian character Alastor, the Wanderer of the Wastes. 1—Crowley met Shabmodar on 16 June and performed a magical sexual operation on 17 June. 3—The chess layout detailed at this point in the diary has been omitted.
|