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Leah Hirsig Diary Entry Monday, 22 September 1924
Sept. 22, 1924 e.v.
I woke this morning at 8 o'clock having had 3 hours sleep. I woke feeling very depressed, pitying myself because I was numb with cold and nervously exhausted.
There was no mail so I got up and left the hotel at 9.45 to go to the British Consulate.
a. To try to see Mc. Bride. b. To deliver in person the official letter I wrote to H.B.K.'s C.G. as recorded on previous pages.
(Letter and cheque from Augustus John)
There was no taxi in sight and it was pouring. I walked as far as the Gare and finally got one reaching the Consulate at 10 o'clock exactly. No Mc. Bride. I waited until 11 and having delivered my letter, I left my last remaining card for Mc. Bride asking her to call here at 6 o'clock.
I next proceed to the Swiss Legation and told my story to Mme. (I don't know her name) not because I thought she was the person in authority but to talk to a woman. I became calm and she told me to see the secretary.
I did so.
He was rude and stupid as are all officials but more so.
He re ------ but there is no use writing about him. I shall do so in my official letter to Berne.
I went back to 7 rue Lord Byron to find out whether Mc. Bride had called. She hadn't but they said her passport was there and if she called they would deliver my card. I foolishly said that I knew her address—they probably thought I was crazy and won't give her the card. But that does not matter. I shall find Mc. Bride at the right time just as I shall meet whomever I need to meet at the time designed by the gods.
12 noon. Next? A Grog Americain. Then to Hunt's. He was not in so I left a letter and the Hansi dossier asking him if he would undertake the business as my agent etc etc.—making it a purely business affair. (in business way)
The Dôme, a sandwich and coffee. Lambert told me that he had heard of a lawyer and will let me know later.
Bought stationery and home to write all this up.
I look like a Fury, I am a fury, The Fury, but I an mot in a fury.
I repeat that I will not cease to do everything in my power until I drop. And I do not for a moment believe that the gods will allows that to happen. If They do it will be because they want me to.
5. P.M. A cup of coldish tea after writing Aimée [Aimée Gouraud] and Swiss Legation.
Crise nerveuse has passed but !!!
8 P.M. I have passed through another severe nervous crisis. It has left me weak but only now do I fully realize.
1. That I can never again depend on A.C. for personal protection.
2.
You see I can't do it. I am trembling. I am always waiting, waiting, waiting.
2. That I am not to butt in to A.C.'s magick. (This refers to my S.O.S. of last night. Not the magical part but the silly "come to me at 6" stunt.)
I have calmed down considerably (1 gardenal[1]) and written what seems like a sane latter to John and the Swiss Legation.
The Five years of silence are over. Now for action.
I feel perfectly sure once my nerves have been given a chance I shall be the happiest woman alive. The ecstacy I experience is almost beyond human endurance.
NOTE.
Letter to Aimée (not sent) as 666 and ADO [Dorothy Olsen] returned Monday evening after last entry. But this letter was a preparation for the next step for me to take. I did not expect to see 666 again. I had no idea he had gone for a short trip.
31-666-31
My dear Aimée
I am wretched miserable physically but full of force and fire spiritually.
I have started my campaign. There is nothing to tell as yet except that I am planting seeds.
But it takes time for seeds to grow.
Now this is where you come in. Should I need it would you be willing to find a little corner in your house for me in which to do the work I am destined to do?
This is a purely magical question and therefore I ask you to search your deepest depths of soul to be able to give me the only kind of answer you would give—a straightforward yes or no.
When the time comes I shall ask you to let me talk it over with you. Until then, I am.
As always, Lovingly Leah.
1—[Gardenal contains phenobarbital, a barbituate.]
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